When I talk in the office these several days, people look at me quizzically and I can see the hesitation and the slight shift to create more space between us. It amuses me. Then I assure them I only have the allergy because it is Spring and tree and grass pollens are everywhere. And the toad like sounds that emanate from my throat is symptomatic of a loss of normal vocal chords function due to coughing from the allergy. And yes, I have been to the doctor and no, I don't have H1N1. I know I should probably not come to work and scare people like that but with my one and only staff away on a week-long training and a growing pipeline of request for SharePoint, I cannot stay away. Bad excuse I know but with my job performance being evaluated as what it is, it is a question of survival and staying on top of work.
Last night I thought I was getting better. The meds for running nose seemed to be helping and my nose was not always running and dripping and I could finally breathe lying down. But the cough came back to wreck me and I had to finally succumb and opened that dreaded bottle of cough med. So today, I am a little whoozy in the head and that second cup of coffee is beginning to look very tempting. Maybe it will clear enough of the wool in my brain to let me finish that horrid spreadsheet needed for business planning. I had put it off a whole week already. And getting that documentation out on getting my team built out.
I am beginning to feel insecure, unsure of what the next year will look like and my self esteem has been struck a mortal blow. What am I to do? Why is there so much burden on my skinny shoulders? When will all these be lifted and I can breathe freely and not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will take care of itself? Who can share my cares?
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