Sunday Stuff

Most of today was invested in poring over postings and decided which 5 and for each, what should my one pager contain that would put me in the right light.  As the one to pick.  While listening to an uncomfortable conflict between the Man and the half man over, what else?  Tennis.  Had to stay focused, stay un-conflicted.  Work on my future.

A huge load fell off when the last of the one pager was done.  For good or bad, I had run out of steam.  Maybe my boss will not agree with my selections.  Maybe he has better ideas, can see farther and clearer.  We'll see - in two days' time.  The one pager is not a requirement but an idea implanted by my mentor CIO.

But the relief is very palpable.  Suddenly, my heart was free.  And the garden looked so inviting and fresh.  Went for a nice slow walk around the neighborhood with the Man, enjoying the beautiful weather.  A perfect summer evening.  Not the hot mid-90 temperature that I thought was forecast for the day.  And somewhere during the stroll, I caiught faint sounds of the summer concert, all the way from Central Park.  This is the thrid one I have missed.  Only one more to miss.  Sigh.

Wish me luck family!  I sorely need it.

On a different note, the Half Man and I went last evening to the first summer get together of our mentoring group, at least of those located in the Bay Area.  This group has been very closely knit since our mentoring program of 2007-8.  Two years after the metamorphosis, this group still attempts to meet for lunch every quarter here and monthly in Richmond.  I don't think any of the other groups has gelled as much as this one.  Fun group, bright young leaders of tomorrow. The Half Man sat mostly quietly, enjoying the conversation except when engaged by one of them on school stuff.  We had a good mother-son conversation on the way home.  I had dreaded a big fight over going with me to the get together.  I needn't have worried.  He actually came without quarrels and left feeling happy.  What joy!

Dread

D-Day is this week.  One thinks one should come out alright - credibility, track record, experience, network, etc, etc.  Then one talks to a member of the senior management - "it will be brutal and oh some positions are likely to be protected" which translates of course to there will actually be fewer opportunities for the rest of you mediocres who must compete mightily for the rest.  And the doubt creeps in.  What if, what if, what if...  How does one knows not to include the "protected openings" and not  jeopardise the 5 and only 5 chances one is given?  Despondency starts dampening the spirit.  One dreams of what could never be.  The ad plays like a broken record in the mind - see what a buck can do for you.  Logic and reasoning have not quite fled and one instinctively knows the odds are well nigh impossible.  But as long as breath still flows, the flicker of hope is never far off.  That is what keeps the species alive.

How does one sells oneself to all the powers that will collectively determine who stays to put bread on the table another day and who walks?  Plan, woman, plan.  Did you not coach your own team?

I dread that I will handed a message that says, "you are Not Yet Selected".  Oh, the loss of face and the sadness that will render my soul apart.  I cannot be without a job.  How will we live?

Clearing

One tylenol and a walk to MarketPlace with the Bose set in my ears have helped cleared the fog in my head and the lethargy.  The warmth of the day lingers still, enough to work up a slight skin of perspiration.  Feels good.  And who should I run into at MarketPlace as I was turning back to walk the 1+ miles home?  The Man.  Who not an hour ago, drag on his jeans and went without a word while I was hemming a pair of pairs to relax the mind.

The slight tension in the temples are still there but the guilt about 10K a day is removed.  The boarding pass is printed.  That half man is getting to be a good troubleshooter with gadgets.  The world is looking better again.

Drumming

Four glorious hours of World Cup Final with the surround sound pumping up the atmosphere to the twosome on the couch.  And now the brain threatens to shut down from faitgue.  Not a direct consequence.  An after effect of fitful sleep and an ultimately failed attempt at keeping up with SNL.  Not since student days in UBC have I been able to keep hours past the witching hour.  Long gone are the days when the body could take hitting the books till the wee hours.  The wear and tear are just too much to bear.  The power nap would not come to relieve the heaviness.

Don't understand the weariness.  Morning seemed beautiful - was out in the yard with the Man admiring the flowers and enjoying the glorious weather.  Soccer was exciting (although the game was not the best of World Cup finals).

So not looking forward to the trip to Houston.  I am so reluctant to pack.  Waste of time to burn two days travelling just so one can spend two days locked up in a "workshop".  Not with all the other stuff still hanging around one's neck and the messages in the inbox piling up mercilessly.  But politically, it just seemed like being caught in a rock and a hard place.

WIsh the eyes would just light up.  Maybe an attempt to distract the half man from his dragon will do the trick.  The altercation will fire up the blood.

Mumbling

It's been a weird sort of summer so far.  Not the constant heat of summers past but flip flopping temperatures.  It has been unseasonably cool but I like.  Very pleasant - the house tends to be cool no matter how hot it gets outside.  Love being able to wear light tees and shorts and no socks.

Doing two persons' jobs is really keeping me busy.  Great experience though.  This time next month, I'll be figuring out what my next job's gonna be and soon after whether I'll even have one.  Such are the times.

Not much news from the homeland.  Maybe we are getting forgotten.  Is this the price for uprooting?  Only source of update is an occasional peek into facebook.  Sad.

With no plans for summer, the half man is spending all his awake hours riding some dragon on the com much to the despair of the "'rents".  How can a person spends all waking hours devoid of human contact, surfacing only for meals and the occasional pee or after threats of dire consequences to his bodily well being?  Makes me feel like a big failure for not having nurtured a broader interest in the whole wide world instead of the www.

The only exception was last week, the long Independence Day weekend when the four of us journeyed forth for two days of tennis tournaments.  Never mind that the four games were all throwaways.  I loved that we were out, he was not at the com, the girl was home and supporting her little brother valiantly and we were enjoying the outdoor.  Now, how should we keep this going?