Love

There is a big bunch of flowers on the new dining table. Against the black sheen of the glass top of the very modern looking table, it looks very stunning. Beautiful. From my kids for Mother's Day. Thank you guys! You all predicted I would say, why spend the money. And you are right, I did. And Nic chuckled and said, chae said you would say that. Yes, I am that predictable. And you all know why.

Yet there was a small splotch to the whole Mother's Day thing that made me sad. That I know not how to love them or at least one of them. What is love and how does one manifest it? Ultimately, it is all in the perception. My still very Asian roots drive me in one direction - that love is manifested in sacrifice in giving up on things for oneself so the next generation will not suffer as one did and will advance at least one notch up, but the world in which the new millenials are growing up expects love to be manifested in more physical, material and vocal ways, ways that are uncomfortable for us because it was never done to us when we were growing up. The tension between the two worlds pulls us apart against our wills.

But ultimately it matters not this tension. When all's said and done, it is the conscience that settles the matter. Someday, the tiny regret I have carried all my life about the lost opportunity to share that one thing with my father may be yet passed on to the next generation. And it can never be erased.

But I am thankful for the beauty that now graces the dining cum living room. And for today, my wedding anniversary. Maybe after that half man is back from Disneyland, we can bring the kids for dinner to at least celebrate the event that brought this family into being.