Nothingness

It's the nothingness weekend.  On housework strike.

The threadmill has had some intense use.  Feels good.  With no more excuse, getting that 10K has been much easier.  Actually, have not quite hit that daily 10K on the mill alone but with the activities of daily living, I figure it must be close to if not more than that target.  Four days in a roll, it can only be good for the ageing bones.

Headache easing off.  Getting out of the house into the warm summer day was a big help, even if it was something as mundane as grocery shopping.  And we are not buying eggs.  Whoever heard of eggs being recalled?  550 million so far and likely growing.  Each week brings news of something being recalled.  Sigh.

D-day tomorrow.  No phone call will see this little pig come wee wee wee home abundantly tearing.

Wish

It has just been a horrible weekend of headaches and lethargy induced by this blooming tension headache that hovers at the borders of my consciousness even in sleep.  I wish everything would just go away.  So I can lie down finally and give up the ghost.

Arrival

And it's arrived.  Last night.  Lots of heavy lifting by Man and a half.  Thank you.  And thank you for setting it up.  Had my first 7 mins on the mill eagerly and it is beautiful.  Can't wait to plug in the iPod too.  Yay!

Excited

And I am eagerly awaiting my threadmill.

After a half year of contemplation, drooling and "can I afford it", to quote a certain television financial celebrity.

While I love walking with my iPod music in my ears, it is a bit of a chore dressing up especially when the weather turns cold and windy.  And after a hard day in the office with the lights fading fast.  Now I will have no more excuses keeping to my 10k.

And I can be more precise just how much much of a walk each time.

Summer Sheen

Back from Larry's Produce at Suisun Valley (second time in three weeks) and outlet shopping at Vacaville.  Lots of fruits now.  Figured since we had gone so far and paid the bridge toll, may as well go another 10 miles and see what deals we can find.  And yes, there were some good ones.  Sweater and outer wear for the onset of Fall, nice tee for the half man, all at fairly good discounts.  AAA membership rocks!  Prices to die for in Singapore for the kind of names regarded as almost commonplace.  So much clothes without breaking the bank.

Boss called yesterday - said I was the only one he was telling the news.  He got the offer he wanted and he wants to make sure I am going the same place - we had discussed philosphically at length and had strikingly similar wavelengths.  Hope fires up - he will be a strong sponsor and advocate.  We have good camaraderie, the two of us.  Strong trust and mutual respect - and this makes for strong results.  Things took on a brighter sheen after the call.

And as if to share the upbeat mood, the sun came out.  It now really feels like summer has finally arrived.

Shall know, methinks, by mid-week how my fortune turns.

Price to Pay

Another Sunday.  A good chat on Facebook with number 1.  A whirlwind of a week gone by with number 2 and companion here for too short a stay blasting through Six Flags Discovery, bbq on the now much cleaner grill and sessions of convincing powers that be why I should be the person for the jobs in their soon to be new orgs.  Finished updating my PMP for upcoming review this week and summarizing why I should have one of the 5 jobs I posted all amidst several loads of laundry, iRobot running around sucking up dust and mites and re-making all the beds with clean sheets and covers.  Achievements!

Is there nothing more to life?

I want to put it all aside.  Live my life.  All I have ever done is for someone else - to keep food on the table while I succor my hunger on daily bread, to pay bills, to pick up after others, to scrimp so my brood will not want, to read about others' summer vacations and wish them enjoy.  When will it be time for me to live for me?  To lay it all aside and say, now I can expend on me?

I think of Papa a lot these days and wonder what he will think of his first born.  Will he be proud of me or will he weep?  Will he give me an A or a F for not having become what he had hoped for me?  If he were here today, I will pour out my heart to him, to let him know that I am too much like him, too much.  I will work myself to death like him.  Will he like that or will he shake his head and sigh as he oft did in his all too short life?  Papa, there is so much of you in me and so much I want to tell you.

I should have listen too to Mama and taken my time.  Things have changed more than I ever expected.  One day, Mama, maybe I will have the courage or the strength to find a new me.  It is my karma.  I must have been a bad person before although I cannot imagine how.  I lack the constitution to be truly bad or evil.  I don't think I will make the cut.