Encore

The Half Man has scored yet again. Today over dinner, he proudly showed us an invitation to a breakfast for some President's award for students with GPA of 3.5 and better. This has obviously been a good year for him. He has learned what it feels like to be an achiever. Even in tennis, he is showing signs of improvement. Taking responsibility and holding oneself accountable - let's hope the journey of self discovery continues unabated...

Cherries

Yes, we did go cherry picking. After a short tiff at home and a long drive to Brentwood with a long detour to Berkeley to pick up you know who. Gave her ample notice we were en-route and still managed to keep us waiting by the roadside waiting for the grand entrance. When will they be punctual? All the more anxious given the distance, the very late start from home and the closing time of 4 to 5.

Still we arrive just before 3:30 with an hour and a half to gaze in wonder at the bunches just hanging off the rows on rows of trees. And of course, it is expected, almost compulsory that you pops one every now and then into the mouth after cleaning them rough shod on the shirt. The sun was out and it was actually warm but not hot. Perfect day for such activities. Ladders conveniently placed here and there but still the temptation to climb and go after the big dark red ones up high was too great to ignore. At $2 a pound, the cherries were not exactly cheap but you get to pick and they are fresh. Some families even bring mats to sit under the trees and have a picnic of sort, ignoring the sign up front that said, no picnicking, no climbing on trees, no dogs and ... And kids picking the low hanging ones and have a game of cherry throwing. Such waste.

We picked enough to share with the Tans and Lais. And Nic brought a bunch back to share with her new room mate. All in all, a good day. I got my exercise and I got my cherries. But I forgot my camera to take pics.

Rambling

So soon after the high heat, came a record breaking chill. Parts of the Bay Area broke the record for being the coldest for this time of year in half a century. It was so freaking cold, we had to turn the heat back on and went around in them woollies when sending Nic back to campus to check into her new dorm. Summer school starts tomorrow. We didn't get to meet her new room mate who had checked in but was probably at the orientation. Hopefully, this spells the end of the Jeni nightmares.

I have been a good girl these past two days. After squandering Friday afternoon, yakking away at the Lai's, instead of walking round the track as I planned to, I have been out beating the dirt path at Iron Horse Middle School 20 rounds yesterday and today. That's 5 miles each day, 5 laps and more walking backwards. It is funny to see how the people walking by to the Arts and Winds Festival in Central Park just a few hundred feet away try so hard not to look quizzically at me. Bet they don't often see people walking as though they have eyes in the back of their heads. Ah, but little do they know that backward walking and running actually have a lot of benefits, not the least of which is it burns up a heck of a lot more calories than forward walking and actually can increase overall health and possibly (?) lifespan.

It is close to noon on Memorial Day and the Man is still hanging out with his pals from Sons of Retirement or something like that. I am pretty sure tennis is long over and they must be ribbing each other and sharing gossips over latte at Starbucks. He has been inducted and bonding regularly with this group of active and very fun loving sons of America. They even have a yearbook! Looks like we aint gonna be picking cherries and other fruits today. The weather is better today so it would have been perfect for walking the farms, baskets in hands, plucking away at the bounty of nature (and the farmers' sweat, of course).

Memorial Day is a big event here, in remembrance of soldiers who gave the highest gift of all, their lives, for their country. Like last year's Presidential election, the new is gradually making inroads into the ways they are remembered. They are now remembered on the web. Friends and families can write on pages dedicated to every single soldier who died fighting in Iraq and the like. The pagentry of the old ways still lives on, however and tiny flags grace the tombs in cemeteries all over the country.

Maybe we should go to the Arts and Winds Festival instead. Admire all the handicrafts, eat fatty bad for the heart hotdogs and sway to the rock band that is bound to be there at the heart of the fair, entertaining young and old alike. Maybe pick up something we won't know what to do with afterwards.

Cherries

I hope we go cherry picking today or tomorrow. Read in the papers that this is the season for cherry picking with the farms mostly concentrated around the Antioch / Brentwood areas where YY, UJ and us went to drool over some absolutely gorgeous homes on large lots that cost less than a 5-room HDB flat. Complete with his and her baths and closets, stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops and huge rooms, including bonus rooms the size of your 3-bedroom HDB flat. Alas, too far from San Ramon (sob).

We've been here, what, two and three quarter years and never gone apple or cherry or blueberry picking. Cherries are my absolute favorite, surpassing even persimmon (which mom always used to buy when she came to stay). I can eat a tonne of them, watching the telly or reading. And full of juicy anti-oxidants too.

Got to surf the net and find the farms...

Stress

It's the Memorial Day weekend! Nic is home but there are boxes up and down the passage way to the bedrooms. She was sweet to come say to me last night when she fininshed unloading from the car that there are boxes everywhere and that I should not freak out because she will pack them away.

I was freaked out late yesterday afternoon when after a whole day of presentations and meetings and I was about to pack up and head for the City to attend some Microsoft events, the HR manager called to say my conversion may be rejected because I did not update my records. Totally messed up my mind for the rest of the day so I ended up slogging away at my desk till almost 8 pm just to get a business request for some changes to their sites out of the way and to calm myself down. Skipped the events which would have been so interesting because they update me on technological developments central to what I do for a living. It was not even my fault - they misread my updates in the online system and the senior manager who questioned my application thought my intention was to go back to the little island in the tropics. I had to explain that those were old records from where CL was my boss and the records were migrated from the now decommissioned system. No one told me to delete them. And I had definitely updated the records with the new stuff but they missed them. Sigh! Totally stressed me out.

Wonder if we should take advantage of the long weekend and just drive somewhere. Clear the minds, reset the relationships, enjoy this ginormous and beautiful land. I need a break from the relentless pressure. I need spiritual and mental uplift.

Hunger

It is 2:30 and my promised lunch is nowhere in sight. Wah, when the two men get together, they either come back angry because they had a tiff somewhere or they have too much fun to worry about poor starving mommy. Wait, I hear footsteps...

High Heat

So because of the heat - forecast 96 F - today, I chose to spend the morning at home instead of going for the usual walk and tennis at Amador Valley High. Have to stave away all the spots from years of exposure to the Singapore and California sun in my reckless youth and middle age and which I have spent the year trying so hard to "bleach" away. But of course, as usual, the OCD kicked in and I spent the few hours of peace and relative coolness in the house, doing what else but cleaning. Swiffers the floor and washes the boy's toilet which he had done (twice) after I basically threatened him with dire punishment but left much to be desired. Scums and stains and strange red mildew at the edges of the bath tub. How can someone be so lackaluster in their chores? How did he not inherit my penchant for cleaning and wiping and destroying appliances through over-scrubbing? If he had his druthers, he would wallow in his own you know what.

The heat had another consequence - the second tennis tournament is postpone to goodness knows when. Just as well. The kids will swelter and dehydrate under the blazing sun.

And you know summer is around the corner when insects suddenly appear in the house out of nowhere. I swatted a fly yesterday and flushed it down the toilet along with the bleach and detergent from scrubbing the bowl and today, there are a couple of small, who knows what that I very adeptly washed down the basins when they had the audacity to appear before me while I was washing my hands. Wonder if there is karma in getting rid of insects that invade your hearth. I hope the heavenly beings understand my OCD-ness and the importance of not allowing creepy crawlies to come between your family and healthy living.

The boy called to ask what I want for lunch. When I am not with them, they go to restaurants. When I am with them, we usually end up at Target's cheap cafeteria? A little self reflection is called for. I must be the Scrooge.

Hot

This will be a hot weekend. Slobber yourself in sunscreen. Looking at mid to high 90s bordering on the triple digit. Ouch.

The poor rich of Santa Barbara. Another fire so soon after the last. Watching all those beautiful homes engulfed in flames. When one is seriously pondering the damage to one's financial stabillity of putting a roof over one's brood in place of living in someone else's abode. Sad.

Love

There is a big bunch of flowers on the new dining table. Against the black sheen of the glass top of the very modern looking table, it looks very stunning. Beautiful. From my kids for Mother's Day. Thank you guys! You all predicted I would say, why spend the money. And you are right, I did. And Nic chuckled and said, chae said you would say that. Yes, I am that predictable. And you all know why.

Yet there was a small splotch to the whole Mother's Day thing that made me sad. That I know not how to love them or at least one of them. What is love and how does one manifest it? Ultimately, it is all in the perception. My still very Asian roots drive me in one direction - that love is manifested in sacrifice in giving up on things for oneself so the next generation will not suffer as one did and will advance at least one notch up, but the world in which the new millenials are growing up expects love to be manifested in more physical, material and vocal ways, ways that are uncomfortable for us because it was never done to us when we were growing up. The tension between the two worlds pulls us apart against our wills.

But ultimately it matters not this tension. When all's said and done, it is the conscience that settles the matter. Someday, the tiny regret I have carried all my life about the lost opportunity to share that one thing with my father may be yet passed on to the next generation. And it can never be erased.

But I am thankful for the beauty that now graces the dining cum living room. And for today, my wedding anniversary. Maybe after that half man is back from Disneyland, we can bring the kids for dinner to at least celebrate the event that brought this family into being.

Homework

So today I telecommuted. To save myself the inconvenience of trying not to cough or cough too loudly and worrying my colleagues and to give my weakened constitution some space and time to recover in the comfort of home. Usually I don't really like working from home because it is usually colder than the office and does not have all the paraphernalia that one usually needs like the office printer, stationeries, and so on and so forth. But today was actually quite pleasant, sitting in the dining alcove with the sun streaming in the windows and warming up the place. Not having to change, drive and having a proper lunch instead of whatever I remembered to bring from home (think yogurt cups) or biscuits tucked away in one of the drawers.

But still my cough persists although my voice is now sounding more human and less amphibian. And the meds have really helped with the allergy. I have not so much as blown my nose once since the visit to the doctor. Amazing. Why did I put up with the sniffing and wheezing all spring last year and so much of spring this year?

Even had time to bring the boy and myself for our haircuts so he will look neat and sprightly as he leaves in two days to travel for the first time hundreds of miles without mom and dad. The apron string is starting to unravel.

More...

My voice is slowly but surely returning to its natural pitch. But my head still hurts and my throat feels pricky still. Oh, what would I give to be normal again.

And in a related note, the H1N1 has finally hit the San Ramon Valley school district with the first case causing an elementary school to be closed for the entire coming week. I hope Iron Horse is spared because the half man is due to travel with his school band to Disneyland for a recording session this Wednesday and it would be such a shame and a heart breaking one if they cannot go because the entire school has to be quarantined. I hope we get to see the results of the recording which according to Mrs Brown is a replication of a movie studio recording - if memory serves me right they actually will be using the Disney Studio recording studio. Just like the real thing - go check out musictrip.com. It should be a fantastic experience. I have wondered time and again if I should not have signed up to be a parent chaperone. But the half man wanted some space and I have to start respecting his wishes - he is now the self declared tallest person in the family after all. Not that he looks all that tall given his skinny frame. The good news is, it means he probably will continue growing vertically since his frame has not quite filled out. Certain body fuzz are starting to show up in the obvious places - you can kinda peek through the sleeves sometimes. Where else would you think I was talking about??? He has done well this semester, with straight A's although not consistently so with some dips into B territories every now and then that jars before pulling them back into the alpha regions. Must be bad for parents' hearts. I look at him sometimes and wonder where the little chubby boy in the very tight Henry Park beige tee and brown shorts has gone. That was the only time when he was ring boy for Ching when he was not thin. Sad that I don't have pictures of him during that period. Maybe I can ask Ching for a copy of his wedding video.

Maybe I will feel good enough later today to go buy him a snazzy tie for the Disneyland trip. He has been told to get one - funky, fun-loving and young. His daddy very kindly offered some of his but ...

And today, must remember to call a certain person up north. The one who is becoming a professional student.

Brynn's Birthday

Happy 21st birthday, Brynn Brynn. With the golden key in your heart and in your hand now, I hope this augurs a new beginning for you. One filled with purpose, determination and crystal clear clarity on what you want for your future and how to get there. This is the first step into the brave new world of adulthood, responsibility and accountability to self and those around you who love you and have only your best interests at heart. Enjoy this day and every day that comes hereafter.

Sick & Sorrowful

When I talk in the office these several days, people look at me quizzically and I can see the hesitation and the slight shift to create more space between us. It amuses me. Then I assure them I only have the allergy because it is Spring and tree and grass pollens are everywhere. And the toad like sounds that emanate from my throat is symptomatic of a loss of normal vocal chords function due to coughing from the allergy. And yes, I have been to the doctor and no, I don't have H1N1. I know I should probably not come to work and scare people like that but with my one and only staff away on a week-long training and a growing pipeline of request for SharePoint, I cannot stay away. Bad excuse I know but with my job performance being evaluated as what it is, it is a question of survival and staying on top of work.

Last night I thought I was getting better. The meds for running nose seemed to be helping and my nose was not always running and dripping and I could finally breathe lying down. But the cough came back to wreck me and I had to finally succumb and opened that dreaded bottle of cough med. So today, I am a little whoozy in the head and that second cup of coffee is beginning to look very tempting. Maybe it will clear enough of the wool in my brain to let me finish that horrid spreadsheet needed for business planning. I had put it off a whole week already. And getting that documentation out on getting my team built out.

I am beginning to feel insecure, unsure of what the next year will look like and my self esteem has been struck a mortal blow. What am I to do? Why is there so much burden on my skinny shoulders? When will all these be lifted and I can breathe freely and not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will take care of itself? Who can share my cares?