Sadness

Have you ever wondered about the different pathways of life? At each turning point in your life, there are choices, different forks in the road that may ultimately lead to different events, different consequences. What if you had chosen this instead of that? Or maybe it does not matter. That we are under a delusion that our decisions make a difference. Maybe, it is all pre-destined so no matter the choices you make, you end up at the same place, with the same results. What would it be like to be the cartoony Mr Manhattan, able to see time as parallel tracks, going backwards and forwards? For all his insights, he did not exactly understood the meaning of it all or he would have known he was being manipulated. He did not even understand the meaning or the miracle of life till it was too late to save millions of lives. Fiction? Of course, but ruminate on it. Maybe we are just pawns on a chessboard of life, and someone decides what moves we make.

Seems at every turn, there are just battles on battles. Battles on subjects to take in school, battles on taking the long view, or not succumbing to impulses when making life choices and decisions, battles on the wisdom of keeping your head above water under peer pressure to conform, of following the mind, not the heart so you don't create situations that can cause your life to crash around you. You thought you had illuminated their minds, achieve a tacit understanding and agreement, confident they will make the right choices. But the assurances are only so you will leave them be to do what they would have anyway.

I am tired, endlessly melancholy. When will the sorrow be lifted?