A Mom's Blog

Life's Lessons

2011-10-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Some day when I have passed,and life takes it's toll on those I have spawned and worked all my life to sustain, a time for reflection will descend. Then, the heart will clench and regret floods the conscience. Yes, my voice is distasteful and my answers not what were wanted. The whine. Yes, I am the one. The guilt loader. The One with the f voice. Those who live off the b, s and t of the only one who have never stopped to catch a breathe so there is always a roof, bread and school, must always give. And give. And give. Or be befouled.

Both Birthdays

2011-09-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. Somehow, the urge to tell the www what's going on in our lives seem to have drop way down low in the scheme of things to do.

Much has happened.

Not the least of which have been two birthdays. The big girl's 27th and the coming of age of my youngest girl. Happy 21st Birthday, Nic! Hope you will always treasure the gift of life and the little gift we got you for the special day.

And my boy has been summoned to register for the military. The little red dot is relentless in its governance. Tying up my life savings is not enough surety. Two years before he could even graduate from high school, he must sign up for his national service.

And when he goes, the Man and I will relocate to a place just as hot and humid as the little red dot. We will miss the balmy weather and rolling hills and mountains of California. We will miss our friends here, friends who openly welcome us, strangers that we were, into their homes and heath just because we came from the same place. Friends who have come to be a surrogate family when our own are so far away. They have not been told. Wonder what reactions we will get.

It will be a new adventure. A new place to get to know and to enjoy. And hopefully, enjoy with more financial freedom. The change may come earlier than two years. Must think of creative alternatives to pulling my boy in his last year of high school and transplanting into a new environment. The rebellion will be brutal.

Note to self: call mom.

Fun Filled

2011-07-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, America!

And in a seeming affirmation of residency, I am called up for jury duty. But much as I would like to do my civic duty, I will have to politely and with a tinge of relief/regret, call to decline on account of not having yet taken a pledge of citizenship.

There are still lingering intermittent clashes over non-fulfillment of promises by a certain young man. But inter-spaced with time spent out. We had a fantastic evening out, just the two of us at the Pink Martini concert. It was just the most thoroughly enjoyable show I have had in too long a time. Note to self: keep applying for tickets. Out first foray into Davies Hall will not be our last, I promised myself. When YY come next time, we will make it a point to go to a concert there.

And an evening with the Man the next evening at the Rooster T Comedy Club. The legacy of a trip down south by YY that never materialized. Much to my surprise, each groupon is for two and I have another two groupons. More dates with the Man await. Hope his interest stays.

And then off Saturday morning to the Fillmore Jazz Festival in the city for some five hours of music, Americana street food and gazing at a whole street of arts, crafts and hats on hats on hats. Not to mention escape from the heat wave in East Bay that suddenly descended after a highly unusual day of heavy rain during the week. Smack in the heart of Japantown. Where we also ended up exploring the East and West Malls and found a ton of restaurants and shops so dutifully, we stocked up on shampoos and cleansers, seaweed and knick knacks. Things hard to find back home.

Tried to get to Golden Gate Park across from the Academy of Sciences and the Rose Garden but ended up at the Conservatory of Flowers except of course, it was closing so we loitered at the park in front just watching the picnickers enjoying a nice summer day.

Back to Japantown for dinner before dropping the girl off at Berkeley.

It has been hot hot hot these last two uneventful, relatively speaking but otherwise typical weekend days. Except of course, today is not the weekend. It is the Fourth of July and we are not going to Central Park to watch the fireworks. Macy's fireworks on television is pretty spectacular too.

Dearth

2011-06-04T16:26:00.000-07:00

This is one of those days where I wish I was no more. Where there are no more dependents, no more tax surprises, no more worrying about falling grades and college fees and expenses, utilities bills, mortgage payments, clean clothes and neat beds, no more being held responsible for behaviors I cannot control, when people will wake up because the one who has always been in the middle balancing it all is gone and they would have to be responsible for themselves.

I cry silently in solitude. The sky is crying with me but the tears and rain cannot ease the fear, pain and hurt.

My heart is broken in multiple pieces and my finances are in shambles. Take me away and let me rest. Please.

Solace

2011-05-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

Looks like there were a few visitors - two virtual and one physical. The one dropped in from Doha after a convention in Orlando. The half man graciously yielded his room for 5 days to the uncle who spent days looking at houses with the Man and other days with a friend in a rented sports convertible to behold.

Work is killing me. Slowly. I feel out of my depth. Drowning in topologies and extensibility and application pools that test my understanding and challenges my limited exposure to the stuff I am supposed to help architect. There are those who understand the dilemma and try to overcome the limitations and others who I can feel are starting to write off any value from this rather hapless architect. It was not of my choice and not of my doing but I think they underestimate what I can eventually deliver and know not my resilence in days past. To them was allowed stability through the upheavals. To me, this is the fifth change in as many years. While they were learning and absorbing and finally able, to me was change on change of focus and disciplines. Subject matter expertise needs time and nurture. But my leaders must have known me as a change agent. So that's what I must deliver. I must not descend to the level of technicians. They would not like that.

But I do need to step up fast.

Speckled

2011-04-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

The bright sunlight only serves to remind me how dusty our windows are. We have not washed them in a year. But not till the rains stops. Given how the weather has turned, it should be soon. Wonder if the more than ample rains over the winter into spring will bring forth the famous wild flowers of Death Valley. Almost 5 years into our sojourn have I grasped the meaning of ample rain.

Last year this time, methinks I was painting our white fences.

Rays

2011-03-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

It is promising. The ground is not wet with new prespitation and the sun is peeking through the somewhat cloudless sky. Swaths of sunlight sweep the lawn. Maybe today, the small town shopkeepers will get a respite from mudslides and the hapless homeowners with red and yellow tagged houses will get some stability. California is done (?) with the drench.

Dooms Day?

2011-03-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in 2012 but the quick succession of natural disasters around the rim of fire is alarming. Before the world can recover from one, the next strikes. From Christchurch to Sendai to northeast Myanmar. Is this a precusor to something more ominous? Then a reality check. Earthquakes are almost a daily occurrence - there is one just about everyday somewhere in the world.

And here in California, weeks of almost constant rain is wreaking havoc up and down the state. Rock slides that cut off homes in the hills, mud slides and soil movements that render homes unsafe, trees that come crashing down on roofs, water from broken pipes cascading down hillsides and turning into mini tsunamis causing damages to shops unlucky enough to be in its path, and heavy snow shutting off major highways. Californians are now officially weather weary.

Spring is eluding us.

Despair

2011-03-26T08:23:00.001-07:00

I never thought I would see the day when my flesh and blood would use "f" on me.

Winter Wither

2011-03-20T12:58:00.000-07:00

Last day of winter. At long last.

Much rain, lots of high wind. The cherry blossoms have all but faded leaving behnd the leaves that will soon enough start carpeting the land with patches of red that need to be blown and swept and carted out for the trashman.

Thank the heavens for the roses for they are starting to cheer us with their blooms.

It had been a hard winter personally. Grappling with new and unfamiliar work responsibilities, coming to terms with new reporting structures, looking ahead to mediocrity. Gotta wrap my head around what is given and give up that which can only create more unrest in the mind and soul. Just deal with it.

The boy just turned 16 and it was un-nerving to hear him moan the loss of childhood. At the ripe old age of 16 while my horizon is much more of a slipoery slope of sag and a haggardness staring back daily in the mirror. I would gladly trade. He spends his days playing Legend of the Legions when his peers back home would be sweating over "O". He must find his own level and soon. The passage of time is relentless and gentle persuasion has borne little. One can only hope.

Spring, I pray, will lift the spirit and bring warmth into a body worn down by the months of cold. Yes, it will. It must.

Brrr

2011-02-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

It has been so cold the last two days that the mountains around here - Diablo and Hamilton near San Jose - are snow capped. Driving to the Lawrence Livermore Lab this morning for a tour of the new controlled nuclear fusion faciity that uses laser technology, the white on top of the mountains were clearly visible. The cold and rain has translated to the white stuff at elevations around 2,000 ft. In fact, even as I pen this, it is snowing at elevations as low as 1,600 ft at the East Bay Hills and people are actually driving up to build snow men and throw snow balls.

2011-02-17T09:27:00.000-08:00

And I get to read in the train. Something I used to do with my precious copies of the Economist pregnant with Nic in the MRT between Lakepoint and Paya Lebar. Maybe that's why she is so clever.

Frisco

2011-02-17T09:14:00.000-08:00

Travelling to the city daily for these past 4 days has been interesting. I think I would like to work in the city if I have a future opportunity. Yes, the commute is time intensive - takes me an hour one way - but it just gives a wholly different experience mingling with humanity of all shapes and sizes and hues - than driving through suburb roads to a plain office building. Maybe cause I grew up in an urban setting, maybe cause it just imbues one with a different dynamics, maybe cause suddenly, there is more to life than moaning about glass ceilings. You see the masses warpped up in layers scurrying to whereever they need to go, you see the girls who could be your daughters making up in the train because they got up late, you see the workaholics typing up email in the train cars using their laptops with their blinking aircards, you hear the music and know you will soon walk by the buskers, and your heart clutches uncomfortably as you pass by the unkempt and dirty homeless young woman sitting on the sidewalk begging and you wonder why... The colors, sight and smell of humanity. The numerous cafes and take out places. The sirens of patrol cars racing to a crime scene, maybe. And you look out the windows and gaze at the architectural details on the buildings thinking how beautiful they are even if the walls look like they can do with some scrubbing. San Francisco. Beautiful, bright and sunny one day and wet and gray and still beautiful the next.

Booyah

2011-02-11T16:36:00.000-08:00

My boy made the school tennis team. How cool is that? Payoff.

But he needs exposure to competitive playing. And practice, lots of practice.

Galore

2011-02-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

Unbelievably, in the middle of winter, the blooms are already bursting out of the buds. The sudden warm spell has fooled the foliage into thinking Spring has arrived. Gorgeous weather bids us - need to get out and enjoy it. While most of the country is swathed in blistering ice and snow storms and the Superbowl stadium in Dallas is raining snow and injuring people below.

The first flowers on our trees. Must go take pictures.

Last night was a crowd at the Lai's. Some thirty eight people with food galore, including a medium size piglet that can feed a platoon all by itself. Somehow, the Lai's managed to fit everyone plus Max, the shitzu, into their home. Chinese New Year celebration San Ramon style.

Gotta get out. Too nice after the long months of cold. More later.

CNY

2011-02-03T10:31:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to my Family and Friends! We dearly miss the kinship and the bonding and the renewal of blood ties that happen at this time of the year. Have a good time and a fabulous year ahead.

Chinese City

2011-01-30T18:43:00.000-08:00

Just back from Chinatown in the City. To soak up the CNY atmosphere and feel at least the mood so thoroughly absent in the burbs. Crowded as expected with the innermost roads blocked for pedestrian traffic only. Stage shows with dancing girls that would be so heckled back in Asia for the notable lack of slenderness and a curious mix of Cantonese and Americanese.

We went for the chi fen but ended up with curios for the home, 5 Chinese movie DVDs that we have no means of playing (as yet) and dried goods for the kitchen. The trip messed up my well laid plans to get the laundry and docs in order for the all important tax filings. But heck, I have contingency - time is still on my side for this. And the Man would really have to let me get that PS3 or Blu-ray now - note to self: must display the DVDs conspiciously in front of the telly.

We were so bundled up for the expected rain and cold that we actually felt hot in the car. But there was no rain in the city. The blessings from heaven stopped before Bay Bridge. In reverse, coming home, we emerged from the sunshine on the west end of Caldecott Tunnel into sudden darkness on the west end. It was, we concluded, the FOG.

All in all, an enjoyable day of jostling with one's kind.

Whereforth

2011-01-30T10:15:00.000-08:00

The sunny spell has ended. You can actually hear the rain beating down on the house. Rare. But the Man is restless. This would be the time he is out there with his racket and friends, beating the hell out of green round things (self censorhip applies) and generally having a good time working the aging muscles.

This has been a strange winter - lots of early rains followed by a couple of weeks of deep chill followed by a couple of weeks of spring weather and back to rains.

Three days of salmon sashimi has sated the three of us. Time to tackle the saba and albacore. People in the States don't eat enough fish but that generalization stops at our front door. Well, at least for this week.

Lately, it has been hard coming to terms with settling down. That trip back had woken a longing for the familiar and the kinship that defined much of my life. Growing up surrounded by the smells, sound, congestion, gabble in many tongues and ties that bind heart and soul. It is lonely here with the nearest kin a couple hours drive away and not a whole lot of contact. Friends are wonderful but a poor substitute for bonds bound by blood. So silently, in the deep areas of the soul, a tiny grain of thought made its way through layers of doubt and contemplation. Two years. An empty nest. Loosened strings and ankle chains. Feelings of guilt smothered and brushed away - it is almost time for me to have time for me. The Man is playing leaving on a jet plane on his guitar. How apt!

For the sake of the next generation, I have toiled and pulled my family into a place with space to roam and room to grow beyond the material. It is enough.

Smooth Shave

2011-01-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

Today marks a new chapter in the life of a certain half man. Yesterday, after shearing off the unkempt locks, he asked for and got his first shaver - a Gilette Fusion 5. Coming back from grocery shopping, we find a young man shorn of the fuzz on the upper lips and the wisps that had started sprouting on the chin.

On the whole, a smooth experience with mayhaps a tiny mark where the shave got too close. Smiling shyly and obviously happy with the overall experience, he has graduated to the next level of his young life. I am a proud mom.

Winter Weather?

2011-01-23T09:21:00.000-08:00

Winter seems to have taken an early retreat, yielding to a glorious onset of sunshine and warmth. Not too many days ago, that huge bank of fog claimed all of central valley up and down the length of CA bringing chills through the days and nights. We were out to a law workshop and haircuts and folks were out in t-shirts and tank tops. And it's gonna stay the same for at least the next two weeks. Woohoo!

We had colleagues from Singapore over for dinner and it went better than I had expected.

And we have finally taken the steps of settling our legal affairs. It has bothered me so long and my suspicions that using documents from the stores and cyberspace are not the way to go are confirmed. Glad I waited.

Misery

2011-01-21T09:45:00.000-08:00

Can someone tell me if I love or hate this new job? I am so torn. If I have no financial commitments, I would walk away and happily. Love the challenges, not sure about the reporting structure and the feeling of abandonment.

Birthday "Bash" Berkeley

2011-01-15T21:16:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, daddy! Naan and curries in Berkeley is not gourmet dinner as we would have druthered if we had planned better but it was fun anyway.

And brought home from the shop across the road a bag of 3 day old donuts for a grand sum of $1.50. Tomorrow's treat, probably all to myself, the half man having declared himself a non-donut person.

And driving home, my old, slow to boot up but still trusty GPS tells that our home is 485 feet above sea level. Interesting... just about 100 feet lower than Bukit Timah, highest point on a little tropical island we also call home.

Cold Chills

2011-01-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

The Bay Area is having a big chill. And watching Hannibal Rising on Spike is making the chill run up and down the spine.

Countdown

2010-12-31T09:55:00.000-08:00

The beginning of a new decade and the end of the first decade of the 21st century. Tonight we celebrate the passing into a new year and a new decade. 11 is a good number - a double first.

When I was a small kid, I had often pondered and marvelled at how long it would be before the 21st century came around and I used to count how old I would be by the turn of the century. Well, I ponder no more because time as relentless in its flow as a river finding its way to the sea had brought the change which was more commonplace than I had imagined way back then. I spent the hours between 1999 and 2000 watching my servers and news of countries entering one by one into the new millennium to see if cataclysm and chaos would reign. There was nary a whimper of anything extraordinary save for the usual gallavanting and fireworks. The divine did not come down in person(s) to bless us and I simply grew another day older. Oftentimes, our childish imaginations are more exciting than reality.

We will be at Mountain House cheering the countdown loudly and pulling poppers with relish. With friends who have become a sort of surrogate extended family without whom we would have been adrift in a new land.

Time for us all to make new resolutions and to remember to keep them. Taking a leaf off the Y2K non-event, for me, it will be to stop worrying so much and let destiny take us where it will. Time to let my hair down a little. Surely it is not my burden alone to bear. Happy New Year to all loved ones, far and near! You all mean a lot to me.

Survival Sigh

2010-12-29T10:30:00.000-08:00

In a bit of a panic mode. Unexpected recent spend and recent deluge of hefty college and other expenses are making a very serious dent. Nightmarish. Including constant doubts about whether enough was set aside for one of the two constants, this having been the first year of full fledged residency. May have to re-evaluate ability to do a cap reduction. Wish the year can end on a more merry note. Worry and fright. Happiness hormone, anyone?

Happy Holidays

2010-12-25T12:05:00.000-08:00

To all my family and friends,

Merry Christmas from us here in California. We miss you and wish we were all together singing as we used to do, tearing up gift wrappers and making promises not to overspend ever again knowing full well we will not be able to keep them and over-eating recklessly. Those were fun days and after what we just went through would have been the kind of healing that we need.

Peace on earth and goodwill towards all men - would that this could really come true. So we can go back to days of simpler living.

Have a good one! From YL, HK, Nic and R.

Memories

2010-12-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

It is the winter solstice. First day of winter and the longest night of the year. Somehow it all seems fitting. The event that occurred had been the bleakest for a long time but it is all behind us now. The hours of sunshine should grow longer and with them, new beginnings for those most affected.

We bade farewell to one we dearly loved. She fought the good fight. We did not return in time to hold her one more time and tell her how dear we hold her in our hearts. I did not heed my daughter's crying urgent pleas enough. The logistics of daily living and the apron strings of one still in school bound too tightly. I regret it now. I should have made the tough decision, turned a deaf ear to the whine and thrown aside the mantle of the workplace. Just gone.

Yet the heavens were kind and we made the trip. To share in the sadness of her passing and to celebrate the life she had lived. I hope she heard my cries and saw my grief. I like to think she knew we would come home for her.

The reconnection with those at home was good. Unspoken amends were made and relationships re-established and re-bonded. The renewal of kinships. The very memorable massages for an unyielding shoulder. The last hours of laughter and conversations at departure with family and friends from both sides. Priceless.

I cannot wait to go back again but at the same time, coming back here reasserted the sanity and calm of daily living. We came back to hugs from one who waited at the airport and to what I thought would be a freezing house but there was a level of warmth that surprised me. The front door was a mess of leaves from the lone Japanese maple but that only made it seemed all the more welcoming.

I was and am home.

Hotch-Potch

2010-11-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

The Giants are world series champions. The job transition has been bumpy and unexpectedly taxing despite efforts at putting the most comprehensive knowledge transfer document my bosses have seen. Half man ended the volunteer duties this morning at band review event hosted by Cal High with the usual grumpiness forcing me to quit while I was enjoying the jazz competitions. And life spins on.

The girl valiantly tries to inspire long distance conversations. I try to keep up my daily miles on the treadmill while the number of documents I need to read on what it takes to keep me useful in my new job keep piling up un-perused. And life spins on.

Gotta settle down and prioritize. What's more important? My health or my work? My old job or my new new? Why don't I find it as easy to just drop the old as others? My team tugs at my heartstrings and my family pulls at my consciousness. It could well be that if I don't do anything, things will fall into place. Naturally. Or by force of gravity. Gravity of the situational kind. Not Newtonian.

Go Giants

2010-10-30T22:13:00.000-07:00

Watching the Giants go down 4-2 was agonizing, after two fantastic recent wins against the Texas Rangers. There's no turning back, Giants!

Now, the question is: how to hand out candies to the hordes of little ghouls and gremlins tomorrow while sitting glued to the telly cheering the Giants tomorrow evening. Maybe the candies can be coaxed to hand themselves out? Abracadabra.

Twists & Turns

2010-10-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

The first rain of Fall. Was very determined to go out, browse, get a thing or two for the house. But as usual, housework triumphed and out goes all plans once the drizzle started. Shoot.

Finally, laundered that mite ridden excuse of a bolster. The bolster cover from Pandan Valley when the four were still small eventually lost the good fight and its seam ripped all the way through. Found it on the floor discarded like a rag last week (so much for no, you are not taking that away, ever) and tossed into the thrash. It was not even missed till today. Warm and toasty from the dryer and into a brand new white cover YY brought on her last trip here and that bolster is getting a new lease on life. Limp it may be but still well loved and comforting to a certain 15 year-old who has always been happy with old things. Not one for shiny new things that one. Pretty low maintenance and that suits me fine. Except for those infernal golf, then tennis lessons that always cost more than all my monthly spend.

Lately been pondering the sense and sensibility of giving up the higher disposable income back home for living paycheck to paycheck in the US of A. Was taking that turn in the fork of life's journey the correct one? Where will this one eventually lead and what would have awaited at the end of the other branch? So many possibilities. But are they really possibilities? Perhaps one does not really have a choice. They look like forks but you could never have taken the other road. It is a mirage to make you think you have a choice. Still, it is intriguing and at the same time heart breaking. My career is going nowhere, my kids will still be tugging at the apron strings for some time, and the face that looks back each morning and night is getting more lined. When will the next fork in the road appear and what (mis)adventures beckon at the end of those dividers before the next fork appears?

I think of those I left behind and I feel homesick. Why can't we all be here? I just don't see a fork leading us back there. Not yet.

Three Tens

2010-10-10T21:21:00.000-07:00

Casino advertising perfect 10. 10-10-10. Hahaha. That's today of course. Trust a casino to use that.

Nonsense

2010-10-10T15:07:00.000-07:00

Fleet Week in San Francisco Bay Area and the Blue Angels are in town for the annual show. But no one would go with me. This year, there is a Blue Angel transporter too. Maybe next year. I will go by myself if I have to.

It's been lovely weather. Even nicer than summer which has not really been any kind of summer. However, I am holed up at home, cleaning and dusting. For the party in two weeks time but also because I have to keep busy. Keep my mind off things. Idle hands equal busy mind.

Pancake breakfast at Cal High with Lai's, Kheng and Hwee Hong was enjoyable. But as usual, the jokes and conversations gp longer than I had expected and the Half Man and I were late for BBQ at UCB with the girl. Missed having my car washed too. Shoot. My car is in dire need of a wash. It's been at least six months since its last bath. Must download a coupon and bring it for a nice rub down. Thought it would be a busy day but we were home by 2. Woke up from a restless nap to an afternoon most distressing, the source of which distress is still a complete mystery.

Guess I would be starting new job soon. Can't possibly delay much longer. May look bad for annual performance review. Plus side is i have a really detailed transition and handover document. No one can accuse me of not doing a good job in that quarter.

Thinking of a run down to shop for knick knacks. Still missing some small decorative arts for the dining area above the bay window. Lethargy has set in and I am 99% sure it is not going to happen. And a nap beckons. Sleep debt needs to be repaid.

Many Milestones

2010-10-03T19:42:00.000-07:00

Not sure what to write about. Tomorrow, my team gets notified. Think they landed for the most part OK but ... At least one will cry on my shoulder. I must know what to say.

The Indian summer was good while it lasted. Sorta weird that it would be the first full week of Fall but you can tell the change is beginning. I wonder aloud to the half Man and then the Man. How do the trees tell? How do they know that it is now time to start shedding even while the Indian summer was on? Leaves are strewn about on stretches of road and paths and in the carparks. Next year, maybe if I save real hard, we can go to New England to look at Fall colors. It is supposed to be beautiful there this time of year.

I have 4 to 5 weeks of vacation time and no where to go. Guess I can always spend them opening up the remaining boxes from Singapore now stacked away in the garage. Maybe the wedding pic that used to hang above our bed is there in one of them boxes. Maybe the BA plaque is there too.

And I wonder too about the offsprings. Isn't time to settle down for at least one of them? Life's milestones do not seem to apply as they did before. Every generation shifts them further down the years. Maybe my grandchildren's generation will have milestones that stretches where our grandparents would have departed, bless their hearts. Interesting dilemma for the sociologists, economists and any other ists out there that are intrigued by such inter-generational patterns and movements. For me, I just need to know when the milestones are reached per offspring so I can lay it all down one offspring at a time. So that finally, one day, for the first time since my early twenties, I can say, I am done and now is time, time for me to retrieve what remains of my years and just have time for me before I myself reach my own final milestone. Karma. Will God grant me at least that much? Never in my childhood dreams did I ever conceive that I would wear the mantle that I have unwittingly worn these past two decades. It is a mantle I will now willingly discard if I may be allowed, Sir.

Random Rules

2010-09-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

Heat wave weekend. First Fall weekend has turned out to be hot. And tomorrow will be triple digit in the Inland East Bay where we are. Strange. After a really cool summer where the aircon barely came on. But enjoy the heat while it lasts. All too soon, the days will get shorter and colder.

Been reading a lot of Straits Times. Elvin brought back a bunch from his last trip back and the LK loaned them to me as she was heading down to LA to send Daynan back to UCLA. I really should return them. Have had them for over a week already. Catching up on home news was good. So much happening that we never hear about. Asia news are not exactly high on the local news channel - only Bloomberg but then it is all financial. The gossipy things are more interesting read.

Been tossing between spending to visit the family and spending to upgrade the bar space that the previous owners for some reason did not renovate given how much they had done. It would help to have a nice wine cooler to get rid of that cartoon of Concannon that is a bit of an eye sore.

Forgot all about my American Airlines miles from 2004 and year on year they have been expiring on me un-announced. Gotta find a way to use them. Any ideas, Rynn? Do some research please. 80,000 left and diminishing. Just lost over 10,000 this year alone.

Need to start planning for Mt Rushmore too. June will creep up before you know it. And to make that doctor appointment for the arm. And on how to use up 3, maybe 4 weeks, of vacation time still remaining with no where to go and no one to go with. And for the girls to get on with their lives so one can kickstart her professional career and one can finish her school career and the other two to excel in their chosen disciplines. Now, where's that planner?

10000

2010-09-24T17:11:00.001-07:00

Now onto the threadmill to get my 10K for the day.

Ouchhhhhh

2010-09-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

I will that my frozen shoulder will unfreeze and this freaking sharp pain will cease and desist from making my arm movements an exercise in excruciation.

Begins

2010-09-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

The end of summer 2010. A weird cool summer. A new chapter begins soon in the workplace. Time to start letting go and gearing up.

Cries

2010-09-19T11:21:00.001-07:00

And a mother's heart weeps tears and blood.

Tragic

2010-09-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

Had a tangential brush with the gas explosion that was heard around the world. Maybe that is stretching it a bit. Hitting the 101 just out from SFO on Thursday, on the opposite side of the highway, we saw at least three firetrucks, sirens blazing, rushing North. Limousine driver told Holly and I there was some kind of explosion and fire. He knew nothing beyond that. Reaching home, all news channels were broadcasting the huge fire still raging and devastating the homes of San Bruno. Regular programming were all but neglected.

It was heartbreaking to see the balls of fire reaching some 70 feet into the early evening sky, flames licking everywhere and gutting out the homes. As the evening wore on, CBS was the first to announce over 50 homes were destroyed and another 100 or so houses damaged. We now know that these initial numbers were too high. Still the devastation was terrible. A whole neighborhood now mourns for the loss of lives, houses burned out to the ground and people unable to return to their homes till 3 days later.

In the midst of the devastation and tragedy, it was heartwarming to see people turning out to help their fellow humans. As the fires raged and people stream into emergency centers with just the clothes on them, others were carrying bundles and bundles of everyday essentials - an unending stream carting in cases of water, blankets, toilet paper, food, ... There was so much stuff that the Red Cross the next day asked that people stop bringing things. Just give a check or cash, there was no more room for more things.

It was wrenching to hear the story of a young man suffering third degree burns barely conscious, weeping that he could not save his girlfriend who was in flames. All he could say, over and over, was that he could not save her. She was one of the four who perished.

And I asked on Facebook if blood from an anaemic person would be accepted. Likely not, they may give me blood instead. Sigh!

Laughter

2010-09-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

Last night was thoroughly enjoyable. As usual, the Tan's are wonderful hosts and Chitty brought us all to a whole new level of hilarity. She is always the center of any party with her highly infectious, no-hold bar, slightly acidic stories and perspectives of the going-on's in Malaysia and Singapore. Have not laughed so much in months. Thanks for the relief valve.

Nothingness

2010-08-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

It's the nothingness weekend. On housework strike.

The threadmill has had some intense use. Feels good. With no more excuse, getting that 10K has been much easier. Actually, have not quite hit that daily 10K on the mill alone but with the activities of daily living, I figure it must be close to if not more than that target. Four days in a roll, it can only be good for the ageing bones.

Headache easing off. Getting out of the house into the warm summer day was a big help, even if it was something as mundane as grocery shopping. And we are not buying eggs. Whoever heard of eggs being recalled? 550 million so far and likely growing. Each week brings news of something being recalled. Sigh.

D-day tomorrow. No phone call will see this little pig come wee wee wee home abundantly tearing.

Wish

2010-08-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

It has just been a horrible weekend of headaches and lethargy induced by this blooming tension headache that hovers at the borders of my consciousness even in sleep. I wish everything would just go away. So I can lie down finally and give up the ghost.

Arrival

2010-08-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

And it's arrived. Last night. Lots of heavy lifting by Man and a half. Thank you. And thank you for setting it up. Had my first 7 mins on the mill eagerly and it is beautiful. Can't wait to plug in the iPod too. Yay!

Excited

2010-08-15T15:36:00.000-07:00

And I am eagerly awaiting my threadmill.

After a half year of contemplation, drooling and "can I afford it", to quote a certain television financial celebrity.

While I love walking with my iPod music in my ears, it is a bit of a chore dressing up especially when the weather turns cold and windy. And after a hard day in the office with the lights fading fast. Now I will have no more excuses keeping to my 10k.

And I can be more precise just how much much of a walk each time.

Summer Sheen

2010-08-14T17:57:00.000-07:00

Back from Larry's Produce at Suisun Valley (second time in three weeks) and outlet shopping at Vacaville. Lots of fruits now. Figured since we had gone so far and paid the bridge toll, may as well go another 10 miles and see what deals we can find. And yes, there were some good ones. Sweater and outer wear for the onset of Fall, nice tee for the half man, all at fairly good discounts. AAA membership rocks! Prices to die for in Singapore for the kind of names regarded as almost commonplace. So much clothes without breaking the bank.

Boss called yesterday - said I was the only one he was telling the news. He got the offer he wanted and he wants to make sure I am going the same place - we had discussed philosphically at length and had strikingly similar wavelengths. Hope fires up - he will be a strong sponsor and advocate. We have good camaraderie, the two of us. Strong trust and mutual respect - and this makes for strong results. Things took on a brighter sheen after the call.

And as if to share the upbeat mood, the sun came out. It now really feels like summer has finally arrived.

Shall know, methinks, by mid-week how my fortune turns.

Price to Pay

2010-08-08T15:36:00.000-07:00

Another Sunday. A good chat on Facebook with number 1. A whirlwind of a week gone by with number 2 and companion here for too short a stay blasting through Six Flags Discovery, bbq on the now much cleaner grill and sessions of convincing powers that be why I should be the person for the jobs in their soon to be new orgs. Finished updating my PMP for upcoming review this week and summarizing why I should have one of the 5 jobs I posted all amidst several loads of laundry, iRobot running around sucking up dust and mites and re-making all the beds with clean sheets and covers. Achievements!

Is there nothing more to life?

I want to put it all aside. Live my life. All I have ever done is for someone else - to keep food on the table while I succor my hunger on daily bread, to pay bills, to pick up after others, to scrimp so my brood will not want, to read about others' summer vacations and wish them enjoy. When will it be time for me to live for me? To lay it all aside and say, now I can expend on me?

I think of Papa a lot these days and wonder what he will think of his first born. Will he be proud of me or will he weep? Will he give me an A or a F for not having become what he had hoped for me? If he were here today, I will pour out my heart to him, to let him know that I am too much like him, too much. I will work myself to death like him. Will he like that or will he shake his head and sigh as he oft did in his all too short life? Papa, there is so much of you in me and so much I want to tell you.

I should have listen too to Mama and taken my time. Things have changed more than I ever expected. One day, Mama, maybe I will have the courage or the strength to find a new me. It is my karma. I must have been a bad person before although I cannot imagine how. I lack the constitution to be truly bad or evil. I don't think I will make the cut.

Sunday Stuff

2010-07-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

Most of today was invested in poring over postings and decided which 5 and for each, what should my one pager contain that would put me in the right light. As the one to pick. While listening to an uncomfortable conflict between the Man and the half man over, what else? Tennis. Had to stay focused, stay un-conflicted. Work on my future.

A huge load fell off when the last of the one pager was done. For good or bad, I had run out of steam. Maybe my boss will not agree with my selections. Maybe he has better ideas, can see farther and clearer. We'll see - in two days' time. The one pager is not a requirement but an idea implanted by my mentor CIO.

But the relief is very palpable. Suddenly, my heart was free. And the garden looked so inviting and fresh. Went for a nice slow walk around the neighborhood with the Man, enjoying the beautiful weather. A perfect summer evening. Not the hot mid-90 temperature that I thought was forecast for the day. And somewhere during the stroll, I caiught faint sounds of the summer concert, all the way from Central Park. This is the thrid one I have missed. Only one more to miss. Sigh.

Wish me luck family! I sorely need it.

On a different note, the Half Man and I went last evening to the first summer get together of our mentoring group, at least of those located in the Bay Area. This group has been very closely knit since our mentoring program of 2007-8. Two years after the metamorphosis, this group still attempts to meet for lunch every quarter here and monthly in Richmond. I don't think any of the other groups has gelled as much as this one. Fun group, bright young leaders of tomorrow. The Half Man sat mostly quietly, enjoying the conversation except when engaged by one of them on school stuff. We had a good mother-son conversation on the way home. I had dreaded a big fight over going with me to the get together. I needn't have worried. He actually came without quarrels and left feeling happy. What joy!

Dread

2010-07-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

D-Day is this week. One thinks one should come out alright - credibility, track record, experience, network, etc, etc. Then one talks to a member of the senior management - "it will be brutal and oh some positions are likely to be protected" which translates of course to there will actually be fewer opportunities for the rest of you mediocres who must compete mightily for the rest. And the doubt creeps in. What if, what if, what if... How does one knows not to include the "protected openings" and not jeopardise the 5 and only 5 chances one is given? Despondency starts dampening the spirit. One dreams of what could never be. The ad plays like a broken record in the mind - see what a buck can do for you. Logic and reasoning have not quite fled and one instinctively knows the odds are well nigh impossible. But as long as breath still flows, the flicker of hope is never far off. That is what keeps the species alive.

How does one sells oneself to all the powers that will collectively determine who stays to put bread on the table another day and who walks? Plan, woman, plan. Did you not coach your own team?

I dread that I will handed a message that says, "you are Not Yet Selected". Oh, the loss of face and the sadness that will render my soul apart. I cannot be without a job. How will we live?

Clearing

2010-07-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

One tylenol and a walk to MarketPlace with the Bose set in my ears have helped cleared the fog in my head and the lethargy. The warmth of the day lingers still, enough to work up a slight skin of perspiration. Feels good. And who should I run into at MarketPlace as I was turning back to walk the 1+ miles home? The Man. Who not an hour ago, drag on his jeans and went without a word while I was hemming a pair of pairs to relax the mind.

The slight tension in the temples are still there but the guilt about 10K a day is removed. The boarding pass is printed. That half man is getting to be a good troubleshooter with gadgets. The world is looking better again.

Drumming

2010-07-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

Four glorious hours of World Cup Final with the surround sound pumping up the atmosphere to the twosome on the couch. And now the brain threatens to shut down from faitgue. Not a direct consequence. An after effect of fitful sleep and an ultimately failed attempt at keeping up with SNL. Not since student days in UBC have I been able to keep hours past the witching hour. Long gone are the days when the body could take hitting the books till the wee hours. The wear and tear are just too much to bear. The power nap would not come to relieve the heaviness.

Don't understand the weariness. Morning seemed beautiful - was out in the yard with the Man admiring the flowers and enjoying the glorious weather. Soccer was exciting (although the game was not the best of World Cup finals).

So not looking forward to the trip to Houston. I am so reluctant to pack. Waste of time to burn two days travelling just so one can spend two days locked up in a "workshop". Not with all the other stuff still hanging around one's neck and the messages in the inbox piling up mercilessly. But politically, it just seemed like being caught in a rock and a hard place.

WIsh the eyes would just light up. Maybe an attempt to distract the half man from his dragon will do the trick. The altercation will fire up the blood.

Mumbling

2010-07-10T14:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a weird sort of summer so far. Not the constant heat of summers past but flip flopping temperatures. It has been unseasonably cool but I like. Very pleasant - the house tends to be cool no matter how hot it gets outside. Love being able to wear light tees and shorts and no socks.

Doing two persons' jobs is really keeping me busy. Great experience though. This time next month, I'll be figuring out what my next job's gonna be and soon after whether I'll even have one. Such are the times.

Not much news from the homeland. Maybe we are getting forgotten. Is this the price for uprooting? Only source of update is an occasional peek into facebook. Sad.

With no plans for summer, the half man is spending all his awake hours riding some dragon on the com much to the despair of the "'rents". How can a person spends all waking hours devoid of human contact, surfacing only for meals and the occasional pee or after threats of dire consequences to his bodily well being? Makes me feel like a big failure for not having nurtured a broader interest in the whole wide world instead of the www.

The only exception was last week, the long Independence Day weekend when the four of us journeyed forth for two days of tennis tournaments. Never mind that the four games were all throwaways. I loved that we were out, he was not at the com, the girl was home and supporting her little brother valiantly and we were enjoying the outdoor. Now, how should we keep this going?

Sizzling

2010-06-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

The heat is on. Too sizzling to go outdoors till evening and then the outdoors are less stifling than inside the four walls. The doors are open but bring scant relief.

But the heat has been a long time coming this year. An unseasonably cool and wet Spring has delayed the onset of summer frazzle. The mountains have lost their green mantle and brown has taken over the vista.

The relatives came and went. While the six-pack went with the seventh to the Happiest Place on Earth, the gambling capital and the Mother canyon of all canyons, the octagenarian wisely chose to remain - would be hard to find walking implements with wheels to aid in the tortured gait. So a week off was spent largely driving up and down a foggy Pacific 1 or pushing a wheelchair in the mall of all malls. One side benefit - the Man and I have re-discovered the joys of watching dramas from the Mainland and re-discovering the crisp beauty of an ancient tongue. The roots have not withered but the offsprings remained rooted to their bits and bytes.

The sweltering is wearing me down. And to one up North - please know that the request to journey south and spend time roosting with the family is made out of love and care. If we don't spend the time together now when all of you are not weighted down by careers, family, mortgages and other worldly cares, the opportunity wanes by the year, nay months and weeks and days. Family must always reign above all else.

Whale of Weekends

2010-05-31T21:25:00.000-07:00

On this 3-day Memorial Day weekend, the Man and I visited the annual San Ramon Art and Wind Festival. I'd skipped the last two years but decided to give it another go to see if we could pick up something to dress up the house. All we got was a bottle of aromatic oils but we had fun watching the kite flying demonstrations and listening to the Top Secret band and watching the energetic old and young danced to their renditions of dance music from the nineties and earlier. Some couples were pretty good but it was all just spontaneous fun just like the July concerts by the community center.

Last week, 3 of us made our way to Monterey to join Cal High science class for whale watching. For a few minutes of peeking at some black bump out in the choppy waters and an occasional spray of finely misted water, we endured 3 hours of freezing rocky rides on waves the size never seen in calm placid Singapore waters. We started out in good spirits, the kids sleeping most of the hour and a half to Monterey. We had hopes of seeing more whales than we did and hopes of maybe a school of dolphins. But we only had the lonely hump backed whale. Still it was an experience. I saw more whale in British Columbia where the whale actually came real close to our boat. But this hump backed would have none of that, content to feed on krills away from the boats all eagerly trying to get close. Fortunately, we didn't get the whoozies, but you can tell from the way some folks were pushing to the back of the boat that they were going to get rid of their breakfast. And there was that boy with his Chinese girlfriend who valiantly kept his food down head down on her lap after a half hour or so of holding his girlfriend tight on the rail against the sway of the swells. What irony.

Not much else to write about. House is getting a once over now that the weather is finally warming up and Spring feels like Spring except of course, people are already talking about summer being upon us. What happened to Spring? All the rain and unseassonably cold weather had made Spring seemed like an extension of Winter. But overnight it seems, temperatures are up into the high 70's and mid-80's. Go figure.

Seeing

2010-05-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

Wah, the Man had his lasik today. Hopefully, this spells the end of all the squinting to look at things and the struggle with glasses slipping down the face when sweating it out on the tennis courts. I wished I had mine done earlier - before we blew hundreds of dollars on so three pairs of glasses that now lie dormant in the office and in the car. 20/20 vision is wonderful.

Brynn Birthday

2010-05-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Brynn! Spending it in your new place may well be the start of a new era in your life. Make it the best it can be. We hope you will make our hope of a trip up north come true. Love from mom and dad. Always.

Spring Sneeze

2010-05-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

A small bird no larger, or should I say longer?, than my index finger has come knocking on the bay window of our house every morning. And it has a mate too and I think the two of them are nesting in the rose bushes that front the window. Just the cutest thing in the world. It is not shy. We come close and it keeps tap a tap tap on the glass as if to say let me in, let me in. The half man and I took some pictures and a couple of videos and we may upload them soon.

Meanwhile, the front and back yards are a blooming with flowers of all kinds thanks to the daily labor of love of the Man - white roses, red roses, and flowers of which I know not the names. Yellow and lilac and pink and orange and and and. And my nose itches and the sneezing brings uncontrollable dripping that wets tissue after tissue. Last year, one tablet of Zyrtec was all it took. I have just about run through a whole box of time and the nose still refuses to cooperate.

Sneezing aside, Spring is so beautiful. Now if I can just stop blowing and wheezing enough to really enjoy the beauty all around. After the recent rains, the weather this weekend is just perfect. Balmy with sunshine from 6:00 am to 8:00 pm. Paradise.

So we were hoping to drive up to Vancouver in June but plans are on hold for the moment. I hope there will be a good reason to still make the trip. Our residency status is all resolved and we can now travel without restraints. But we need the reason to make the 1,500 miles journey and I am hopeful we will have one.

Lay Keow and Lai were asking us to still make Cancun now that we can travel but alas the airfare is now quadrupled what it was when the planning first began months ago. Plus with the huge tax bill I just paid off, prudence rules.

I do miss my family very much. With air fares the way they are, and all my miles having been exhausted by a certain persona in faraway China, we can only dream. I have been recalling the time when my YY and mom were here. And my poor YY saying up hard so she could come again but there is no one to bring her here. Breaks my heart to think of it. She took care of me as a child. In fact, a lot of people took care of me as a child because my parents basically fostered me out almost all my childhood. Maybe that's why I am so schizo sometimes. It all boils down to childhood and parenting. Just kidding... Been watching too many episodes of Criminal Minds.

Maybe next week the half man and I can put into action our Sierra State Park volunteer resolution. Start giving back to society.

Holey

2010-04-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

In the past couple of months, spherical, well sort of spherical, outlines have appeared in large numbers on Shattuck Avernue in Berkeley. Leading to the girl's apartment and the campus.

It takes only a few seconds for one to realize someone had circled all the potholes of which there are very many of different shapes and sizes up and down the road. The potholes are particularly bad leading to Oakland and disappear past Walgreens, about three blocks or so from Nic Apartment as the Garmin would say. You can say the potholes are almost like social economic indicators. Sad.

Wierd Wonderful Weary

2010-04-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

These past two weekends have been busy. I like. Last week, in compensation for staying home during Spring Break, mother and son journeyed forth on Friday into the City to spend a day at the new Academy of Sciences. We were there before but I had forgotten. Only half way through the day did I faintly recall that we were here before but when it was in its original condition. We had struggled on a wet cold day with the BART, muni and or bus and trudged through some wet grounds and ended with the boy insisting on a $3 glow in the dark pterodactyl that we have all but forgotten.

But this was a renewed Academy of Sciences that did not look anything like the old one. And the journey there was not nearly half so difficult. BART and bus 44 brought us right to the door. Easy. And we did not even notice Auntie Nik sitiing right behind us when we riushed in just, happy to have caught the train. While the Academy is beautifully designed, I am not sure if there was anything there that really stood out - it has the usual collection of land and sea life, exhibits about global climate change, extreme mammals (humans among them because we are the only specie that is truly bi-pedal) and plants. I was so exhausted from long hours in the office and insufficient sleep, I dozed intermittently during the show in the planetarium, despite Whoopi Goldberg's beautiful narration and the awesome show of the stars of the universe. That show, perhaps, was the one thing I found unique. That and the living roof which we could only admire behind the rails. The fatigue finally won and I asked the half man if he minded just wandering the aqaurium on his own while I sat down for some badly needed quick naps. I could not have made it through the day otherwise. Those few mins of power naps were life savers.

Pictures - when I get to unload them from the camera.

Closing time, we left through the gift shop and the half man was grumbling about the thermometer I refused to cough $25 for. Sometimes he can be a real nag. But we ended the day very nicely strolling through the Golden Gate Park.

This Saturday found us driving out early to Concord to join in the Earth Day vounteer event at Mount Diablo. Of all the different activities we could have chosen, we opted for the trail. Trekking what must have been two miles up a very steep trail to where the tools called fire axes, which are the same ones used by fire-fighters, were waiting for us was tough enough. Then it was lugging the heavy tool up another 15 mins of a very narrow (like barely a foot wide and invaded by undergrowth) and very steep trail to find our section of the trail really taxed me poor heart. For the next two hours, we cleared the growth to widen the trail to about 4 feet. The weeks of heavy rain had fortunately softened the earth so much, it was not difficult to chop, pull, drag and push them aside or down the mountain side. What was hard was wielding the heavy axe making sure not to swing it into someone nearby, especially my own boy working so hard next to me. The morning started out chilly but soon I was sweating under my two t-shirts and denim jacket which I refused to take off because poison oaks were plentiful. The rangers had warned us about them and the event leaders pointed them out on the trail as we were winding our ways up the trail earlier. There was this lady who has immunity to poison oaks whose job it was to rip them out wherever she found them and threw them down the hillside. She ventured up and down the trail just tearing them out with her gloved hands, and even clambered down the slope next to us to saw off a very large poison oak bush that had somehow grown up very big around a tree. Unbelievable. The stories she told of what poison oaks can do to people very sensitive to them only increased my paranoia about avoiding them at all costs. I cannot afford to be bed ridden for two months! Not with all the work at the office. And the half man cannot miss so much school.

Tiring as the Earth Day event was, we still made our way to Berkeley to join the girl for Cal Day. Cal Day, as crowded as always. But we were veterans now and it did not behoove us to check in at all the stands or attend any talks. The kids had some hot dogs and we spent almost an hour sitting on the grass waiting for a concert before calling it a day, leaving the girl on the grass with her friends.

Home and the first thing we did was toss all the clothes we were wearing into the washer. No trace of poison oak oils would be allowed to make their way to anything in the house.

And today, alone I made another journey to Berkeley to join the girl for a parents' lunch at the sorority house. And the next thing I knew, I was $72 poorer because we just had to go to Safeway to pick up an incredible amount of food and stuff. Hard to believe it is all for only one person, so soon after all the stuff we brought over from Costco.

Painting

2010-04-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

Wah, painting the white fence has given me hippenitis. That my word for the slight soreness from standing up and squatting down repeatedly. It also put a real strain on knees already traumatized by years of jogging miles on asphalt and athletic tracks, especially the one at Hwa Chong and then at Amador Valley HS.

But it was therapeutic and now the fences where my brush have given a new lease on youth look beautiful. Still more to go and I so want to do the side facing the road too. And the tall one where the white rose bush climbs and draps over. Can't wait for the roses to bloom.

Nostalgia

2010-03-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

After months of cold, the last two weeks have been just gorgeous. Nice to see people starting to come out to walk, run, cycle. Feels like life is stirring up once again. The clock was set forward by an hour last week and now the daylight lasts past 7:00 pm and while the mornings when I get up have become dark when they were getting lighter just a week ago, this will soon change as the sun comes up earlier and sets later.

Lately, there has been a twinge of longing. A longing to go back to the little pimple of an island to see my folks, to talk to Er Gu before it is too late, to see the changes to the place and the people. From the little I hear, the skyline is changing again as the integrated resort rears its head(s) over the harbor and the new immigrants add to the pressure on the infrastructure. Sometimes, I miss the fast pace of life there. To be honest, the nostalgia does not last long. I don't relish ever going back to the walk-to-bus-stop-wait-long-long-for-bus-squeeze-into-MRT-and-try-not-to-fall-on-people-because-there-is-nothing-to-hang-onto-walk-to-office-and-repeat-the-same-tedious-routine-in-the-evening. And spend nearly an hour doing that one way oftentimes longer if the clueless selfish RI and Catholic High boys refuse to move to the rear of the bus so others can get in or if the bus driver had a bad day and decided to take it out on the commuters by not stopping.

My commute now is barely 1.8 miles each way and no more than 8 minutes, sometimes less.

I don't miss the humidity either although the cold here in the house can be numbing. So you take comfort in the bed, piling up the covers and blankets and try to dress up quickly after the baths.

On another subject, the distant hills surrounding the tri-valley are beautiful. All green after the series of winter storms. College spring break is here and the girl will soon be home.

I do miss other my far away girls.

Birthdays Both

2010-03-19T22:40:00.000-07:00

And Spring is finally here. And with the solstice always come YY's Birthday! So here's a very very Happy Birthday to a much loved and treasured sister, aunt, confidante to all my kids, and all in all a centerpin for many lives.

May all your wishes come true.

And we must not forget our half man who is well on his way to becoming three quarter man and more. Happy Birthday too to Ryan who at 15 is already dreaming of having his driving licence. May your wishes come true too.

Sunshine & Sleep

2010-03-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

As I was dragging out 'em boxes and slicing up into packable pieces, the beautiful weather got to me and in my head came the nonsensical, this is spring cleaning. LOL. But it truly has been a beautiful day with plenty of sunshine, tempearatures in the balmy 60's. Green hills all lush from the storms and downpours that has brought California water levels to about the 100% mark after several years of drought. This is the kind of day that makes California California, it that even makes sense.

By the time the Man and Half came home from Amador Valley, the garage looked much neater and cleaner with all the leaves and dirt all swept out. "Cept I could not really find a proper broom given that our one and only was taken oiff to Channing Way. But I did find one that for some inexplicable reason, had a floppy attachment of clear rubber to the wooden handle. I cannot conceive of any use for a broom with a floopy broom head but being that it was the only brooom around, I used it to drag out all the gunk from the deepest corners and swept out the garage floors. WIth the inevitable result, of course, that the clear soft rubber should tear and now the floppy broom head is truly floppy. Luckily, I was near the end of the spring cleaning (ha ha), and just held the broom head for the last few hurrahs.

Having tried sweeping the garage in that miserzable place called Almond Drive, I knew the corners that would trap and harbor the most dirt that could stay for years if not flushed out once in a while. And hence I discovered that the bottomest left roller of the garage door was not sitting in the metal groove and gives a loud crunch when the door slides almost to the garage floor. My perfect home is definitely not so perfect after all. It is just the latest in the little imperfections that my fastidious house proud previous owner had glossed over or run out of steam to correct.

All that work cutting up and packing away the KC Dat boxes for disposable took a toll. That and a very late lunch. So I crept into bed at past 3 and fell into a fitful sleep beneath the warm covers. I think I am going to be sleepless in San Ramon tonight. Just like last night. The end of daylight savings meant the night was one hour later that it was just hours ago and that may have had a little impact. But the cause was really the afternoon nap after a long 6 mile trek to and from the C**c**t shop at the shopping square where Lucky Supermarket is located, past Almond Orchard. In a futile attempt to get a copy of the receipt that will prove I had returned the modem that they keep insisting I did not return on 21 Dec last as we were heading out to Reno. Sending the debt collector after me over this after being a faithful customer for 3 years really sucks. Towards the end of our custom, the company was really heavy handed and billing close to $180 a month. Now they want to report me to the credit bureaus because of a modem I definitely had returned. The girl who recorded the return that fateful 21 Dec looked like she was on some serious meds and the line was painfully long and moving slowly. Maybe she just failed to record and return to the warehouse? But to company the onus is on me to prove that I did return the modem despite many pleas and assurances that I no longer have that modem. But alas, that receipt was lost in the rush to Reno and back and the shop did not even keep its own records. I can predict I will have to fish out the $80 eventually because it is hard to deal with a company like that.

Lesson learned - always look over your receipts and keep those that matter. Don't trust any service people to record correctly.

Planting

2010-02-27T15:23:00.000-08:00

And more pics of the backyard. Blogger is flaky with photo placements. Hence the break. Notice the fruit "trees" recently bought from Lowe's in Pleasanton. We have hopes of having our own cherries and plums before too long.

2010-02-27T14:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a bit of a surprise. The rains came back. As I was driving into Berkeley approaching Caldecott Tunnel on CA 24, the first drops fell and by the time I reached Nic's apartment, it was drenching everyone in sight. The heaviest I have ever seen in California. Could have been one of the afternoon downpour in Singapore.

We went to pick up some of those Beard Papa's, touted to be the world's best cream puffs. Not cheap at all for just cream puffs. At $2.25 a piece, I could never bring myself to buy them. But then Lay Keow had asked Nic to get them for her and bring them to San Ramon, assuming Nic would show for her dental. But with mid-terms at their peak, I could not bring myself to drag her from her books so I went to her instead. Picked up some for Nik as well since Nik has always been generous to a fault, 6 for the exam-stressed one and 6 for the half man (maybe three quarter, depending on the maturity of his behavior). Cheaper to buy by the half dozen. But still cost me a small fortune. We spent quite a bit of time in the little shop because they did not have the coffee and had run out of chocolate flavors and I had to spend time explaining to LK on the phone and offering the limited choices available. All were sold out except Vanilla Beans and Cookie Crunch, vanilla or caramel.

Lay Keow was so sweet. Wrote a real emo thank you email. And Nik who was expecting her mahjong kakis did not even notice it was me at her door at 7:30 pm with a box of cream puffs. She opened the door, mutter somethings, went to her kitchen talking to herself and left me at the door with the box. I had to follow her and called her by name before she realized it was me. I could have been the chain saw murderer and she won't have been any the wiser. She thought she needed only two puffs but one look at them, and she accepted the whole box :).

Had one of them Beard Papa's at night. They are good! But at that kind of price, I think I need only try them once. Thank you very much.

After the heavy rains, today turned out to be just beautiful. The sun is out. Flowers are blooming everywhere. Spring is definitely around the corner. Took some pictures with the camcorder.

But here are some from our own little backyard.

Taxing Times

2010-02-21T17:52:00.000-08:00

Wah, income tax is very painful to do. One would think that it gets easier as the years go by because of familiarity and past documentation. But each year seems to be just as much work as the previous. Principally because one has to track every single piece of document that is necessary for what may be no more than a single line item in the final income tax form. And having "foreign" bank accounts even if the amount of interest is miniscule just adds to the complexity especially since Singapore banks don't issue interest statements. One literally has to download and keep every single month's bank statement for eSavers accounts and then use a spreadsheet to track and add up the monthly interest payment. Not even enough to pay me for the time but never mind, you need to report so there is no suspicion of money laundering.

And as I do this year's tax questionnaire, it dawns on me that my previous years' submissions must have been confusing to the tax accountants here because my Singapore mind interpretes the terms that mean totally different things to the Americans. A home equity loan is not your house mortgage. It could be your renovation loan or what they call a HELOC, a second loan like what I am being provided by the company. HELOCs are popular here but until two months ago, I had no concept of a HELOC. Sounded so strange to my ears. And so in my naivete, I replied in prior years to Yes, I have Home Equity Loans when all I had was a home mortgage loan. I wonder if the tax accountants had done my taxes right.

Ah America! Too many flavors of financial instruments, too many choices. No wonder Wall Street pays out such great bonuses.

And so passes this wet Sunday. As the rain pelts down on the Bay Area, I squint over my computer screen and pour through all the forms and receipts and statements that I have been faithfully scanning, downloading and collating into neat little folders on my laptop hard disk. Tax filing is a year long affair in US of A.

Mehmet on Meditation

2010-02-20T21:49:00.000-08:00

This is especially for my children.

Meditation is a-religious. It is healthy and can prolong your life and has no religious bearing of any kind. Try it. It works.

Fresh Flowers

2010-02-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

Walked to CVS in Market Place from the house. Getting out of the house, for a moment, I was tempted to turn back to the safety of the house. The wind and gray clouds did not seem welcoming. Shrugging off the thought, I ploughed on. It turned out to be just a wonderful walk. Fresh air, beautiful blooms, Bose headset playing my favorites, what could be better? San Ramon is like the perfect suburb. I passed hardly anyone and the cars give way to you, the pedestrain and drivers wave to you in the neighborhood.

Took my time browsing the shelves at CVS and finally left with my eye lubricating drops and night gels. This lasik thing is giving me pretty dry eyes.

I was wrong about struggling blooms. The cherry blossoms are out in force. The trees that bare white blossoms are heavy with them. You can barely see any branches through the white flowers. Just a heavy cloud of white starting a few feet from the ground where the truck emerge from the earth. And the pink blossoms - just the beauties. Spring is truly on the way. Every year, I continue to be amaze at the beautiful sights. How I wish my far flung families could all be here so we can experience this together. Maybe some day...

Wrinkles

2010-02-20T12:57:00.001-08:00

Spring is but a month away and you can already see the buds on the trees and the uncountable numbers of tiny white blossoms on the plum tree that sits squarely on the lawn in front of our main door. Beautiful. Glad that tree will stay. It was at mortal risk from sitting squarely in front of our main door.

The furniture and stuff from the warehouse in Singapore arrived yesterday. The large sofa set that cost a small fortune when we bought it for Li Hwan was at the living room when I came home from work. Large wrinkles criss cross the expanse of the seats - reminds one of a new born babe. Let's hope like a new born babe, the wrinkles will gradually give way to smooth soft skin.

So we switched it around. Now the Nautilius 3-seater from Macy's and the rosewood seats and side table face the beautiful fireplace in the living room and the Nautilius from Li Hwan is in the family room. I am still trying to get used to the black leather. It jars with my memory of the beautiful unique dark maroon that graced the living room of Li Hwan. After a while, the wrinkles don't look so bad. Maybe it is growing familiar.

I know I should be out there walking. Need the exercise. Enjoy the crisp air of late winter and admire the struggling buds of the cherry blossoms.

Fascinating

2010-02-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

Interesting documentary series from Honda. Here is one on robots.

CNY2010

2010-02-14T11:54:00.001-08:00

To all my family near and far, Happy New Year! May the Year of the Tiger bring you lots of courage, power to change your lives to reach greater heights, and good health. Tiger years are notoriously eventful so I wish you all the wisdom to make good decisions and the foresight to take the right paths for yourselves.

Live long and prosper!

BYY Birthday

2010-02-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, BYY. May this be the year all your wishes come true and happiness is your constant companion.

LLL2

2010-02-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

Oh and I failed to mention that yesterday's science lecture was very interesting. About space and searching for planets. By a cute Canadian born researcher graduated from Western Ontario and doctorate from the US who was quite witty (with a very shiny pate - bald at such a young age, poor thing) and a very clever young lady with a very very impressive string of credentials. Top MIT engineering graduate, Rhodes scholar to Oxford where she did her masters and PhD from UC Davis where her doctoral thesis won the prize for being most innovative. Or something like that. He is a astronomy expert and she does adaptive optics.

The half man thought it was better than last week's lecture. In a way, I think he is right but that may be because space always intrigued. Super bugs which are always trying to kill you are a little less attractive than mystical space where the search for another Earth which may have life similar to ours always pulls at the imagination.

And by the by, LLL podcasts are on iTunes although not the Science on Saturday lectures :(.

Blood

2010-02-07T09:14:00.000-08:00

And I touched the part of the head that hurts and my fingers are red. Searched through my scalp in the mirror and yes, that hidden among the thinning hair streaked with some grey, a small angry spot just above the temple and my birth mark. It could have been worse. The sharp pointy end could have pierced my delicate birth mark and obliterated the right side of my temple. I am being melodramatic. I will survive this as I have survived an etopic, a mitral valve prolapse, an appendicitis, the half man's birth that nearly bled me to death and myriad other adventures. Or rather mis-adventures.

Life goes on.

Pain

2010-02-07T09:00:00.001-08:00

A little breather. Before launching into heavy lifting. Today is Roomba's rest day. Muscles will take over. Not that he has worked that hard. All week long, he has sat at the base station waiting patiently with the green light signalling he is ready to go if pressed. That last word is a pun in case you didnt get it.

Tried to take a peek at the top of my built in wardrobe to see if it was dusty and needed some cleaning. Instead crashed my head into the beautiful designer wall lights above the built in granite counter top dressing table and it hurts like the be-... Fill in the blanks here. The pointy end nearly stabbed into my temple as I was clambering up. Apologized to the beauty and felt to see if mayhaps I had dislodged it. Now my head is taking its revenge on me. Ouch.

Time to start.

Sun Shiny

2010-01-30T16:01:00.000-08:00

And did I mention that today is fabulous? The sun is out shining benevolently on everyone after almost 12 days of more or less continuous rain and some people are actually out in t-shirts. Spring is still some six weeks away but it feels so like spring today. It is 4:05 and the sunlight is just streaming into the family room where I sit, suddenly filled with the desire to blog endlessly. My Roomba retired to its base station some 15 minutes ago and is quietly blinking orange to tell me it is charging up, the Man is in the backyard trimming the bushes and the half man is as usual on the PC doing what he does till he gets a earful on the endless playing. All are as they should be.

If only it were the same on the job front. Where would I be in six months?

Lawrence Livermore Lectures

2010-01-30T15:56:00.000-08:00

And did I mention the half man and I went to Livermore this morning to attend the Lawrence Livermore Lab's first of four science lectures for 2010? Today was on superbugs. No, not the ginormous ones you battle in sci-fi films but the vicious kind that are immune to antibiotics because we abuse the antibiotics. He got the questionnaire, he filled in the answers from the lecture. And he got it stamped with the LLL stamp. Let's see if he remembers to turn it in to his science teacher for the extra credit. 0.65 of a mark to push into A+ and he won't talk to his teacher. My heart rejoices at the straight A's but grieves at the loss of another A+ for the absence of 0.65 of a mark.

Roomba

2010-01-30T15:37:00.000-08:00

Watching my Roomba iRobot 550 clean the family room, dining room and kitchen is fascinating and also agonizing. It is meant to help me with the chore of vacuuming and sweeping but watching it go over and over the same spot and missing others can be jarring. Still it is an interesting contraption and certainly very clever. It knows how to avoid falling over the edge of a step, it knows when it bumps into a wall or object and it knows how to un-entangle itself from wires. And get this, it knows how to go back and dock itself in its base station to recharge the battery when it is out of juice. How cool is THAT?

And it comes with 2 virtual walls that I can set up to confine it so it does not wander where I do not want it to. Virtual walls!

Funny thing is I ended up moving chairs, small tables and miscellaneous objects out of its way and curling up carpets as it wound its noisy way around the house so that it would have an easier time doing what I would otherwise be doing. it doesn't pick up everything such as the peanut skins from the munching while watching the telly. But then again, it is meant only to do the in-betweens. You still have to do the heavy lifting to really clean the place. Now at least I can space out the thorough cleaning.

Having said that though, last week when I first tested out my Roomba on the living room carpet, I was astonished at how much wool came out of the cannister and the cleaning brush when I finally sat down to clean it out. That little boy has some suction!

My Roomba. What a joy!

Wet & Wintry

2010-01-23T17:03:00.001-08:00

In the 3+ years we have been here, we have never seen the amount of rain we have in just the last 10 days or so. In rapid succession, 5 storms hit California bringing a steady stream of rain. Not the heavy but short lived thunderstorms or even the monsoonal type of rain we are so used to in near the equator but rain more like what I was so used to in Vancouver in Fall and winter when the wet comes down for hours in a steady drizzle. Maybe not quite as relentless as in Vanouver where the rain can last without a break for days or even weeks. The rain we have had is more intermittent - hours on end with some breaks in between for maybe an hour or two.

So different. But defintely much more than I have ever seen in California which is perpetually parched.

Despite the lightness compared to the afternoon thunderstorms common in Singapore, the rains caused a fair amount of damage. Thousands of people lost power to their homes, not a nice thing considering it is winter.

The really bad damage, however, has been at Pacifica where for months, the high surfs California has been getting in recent months have been serously eroding the cliffs on which some apartment blocks sit. The tenants there have been watching their hillsides crumbling into the ocean for a few months and some significant efforts have been made to try and curb the erosion by plunkiing down tons of large boulders to weaken the force of the waves. But to little avail. Last two nights' news show at least one of the blocks teethering inches from the sheer drop into the ocean. From some of the apartments, the balconies were even starting to tumble in pieces down the cliffs. Scary. The die hard tenants are finally admitting defeat and moving out but the company that owns the apartments still maintains it can salvage the complex. Unbelievably many of the tenants are staying put. Somehow, it all seems so futile.

And today, a tornado warning was issued for Contra Costa county where we live after some funnels were spotted at Brentwood where UJ, YY went for a long drive with us to look at some beautiful homes just a year ago almost to the day.

On a lighter note, we are all about done with the seasonal flu. It has been a really rough couple of weeks battling the cough. I am so paying the price now for the two weeks away from the office. Catch up time.

And my eyesight is now so much better. The lasik done in December has really made a difference, especially to my bad right eye that used to be just a haze of blurry objects. What is surprising is that immediately after the lasik, I could actually read easily wiithout my reading glasses. As the weeks went by, however, I am gradually losing that. My right eye is now 20/20 and my left eye is slowly catching up but as the doctor warned, the lasik is to help with normal vision, and I will still need reading glasses. But truth is I can read without glasses now and I love it. I am typing this long blog right now on my laptop without them.

'Cept now, of course, I have no glasses to help cover up the bags and dark circles. Oh well.

And in another half hour or so, the Lai's and the Tan's will be here for dinner. Lay Keow has been having this craving for the bak kut teh since the countdown party and finally pluck up the courage to cajole me into getting the Man to cook it for a small gathering. She said she had not craved anything like that since her last pregnancy which would be Mason who is all of 14 years old!

And to end this, I love that the days are getting longer again. It is 5:35 and the day is slowing dying but at least it is dusk, A month ago, it would have been dark already.

Sick

2010-01-10T10:07:00.000-08:00

This flu has been the most horrible. One week of myriad aches, gut wrenching coughs, a miserable night of shivering from cold despite wearing 3 layers and wrapped in a thick blanket and the constant irritating dry itchy sandy throat. Oh Ryan, what have you done?

A pile of work now awaits me in the office. And this being salary administration time, I am a bundle of nerves. My team depends on me to defend their performance and I am too sick to attend to their needs.

2009 into 2010 have just not been a great time for me where health is concerned. First the most injurious sprain in summer to the right ankle that crippled me for ever so long and still hurts after 5 months or more. Then the infection to my middle left finger that kept me awake nights from the unceasing pain and led to a bulbous lump of pus around the edge of the fingernail - the only good thing about that was that it was not gout as the doctor had feared. Then a bad round of this type of flu round about the time of the house handover. And barely a month later, flu again but much more vicious and devastating in its effects. One would have thought the earlier bout would have provided some immunity but noooo.

What next? My immunity system must be totally shot. Gotta get back to my exercise routine. Even the flu shot did not help.

The flu was bad. First the Man, then Nic, then Ryan who valiantly shared the love.

What a start to a new home - move in with a flu followed soon after by another ... flu.

2010-01-04T07:36:00.001-08:00

Here is the link to the New Year eve countdown. Hope access is not a problem. Enjoy!

And the madding crowd:

Countdown

2010-01-03T09:11:00.000-08:00

Countdown to 2010 was a boisterous affair at Elvin and Eve's new house in Mountain House. We had the largest gathering of Singaporeans and a couple of Malaysians since we came to America celebrating both the coming of the new year and the Low's new home. Because newly arrived Hwee Hong and her son, Jun Wei was joined by the man of the family, Anton, who arrived during Christmas for a two-week sojourn with his wife and son, sans daughter who flew to Singapore immediately after finals at NYU. They are the lucky green card lottery winners.

Aside from the usual spread of Singapore food, there were poppers and noise-makers as we joined Ryan Seacrest in San Francisco (on telly, of course) counting down the final seconds to 2010. Then poppers blew out tinsels all over the family room and Daynan started a frantic scooping up and stuffing of the colored paper down his parents' and aunt's backs and all over their hair. I think he missed Nic all night. While the other kids were busy with their computer games and the younger ones were watching Jet Li battled out on the DVD, he was pretty much by himself, in that awkward stage between teen and adult. Until the final seconds of 2009, that is.

There was a lot of the normal laughter and teasing that go on with these gatherings. Even the Low's two small girls are opening up to us. They now snuggle up for hugs and embraces without reserve and the teenagers, Mason, Tedmung and Stella are finally acknowledging our legitimacy by deigning to smile and answer our greetings. It has taken them about 3 years but we are becoming familiar.

The Man was not feeling great all through the evening - he must have caught a chill from the winter rains. Still sniffing around the house and moaning every so often. Still he participated fully in the evening chatter and his bak kut teh was all gone in no time. Complaints of how little he brought, methinks, pleased him.

And the half man has slowly been getting accepted into the circle of the teens. Stella is a bit of a loner and seems to have an air of the diva - cold, aloof and usually looking rather surly. But the half man assures me she has a warm heart and the demeanour is just a put on. She is the one he likes best of the lot because for some reason, they seem to click even if they don't outwardly talk much or seem to even like each other. Strange kids. Mason of course is always with Tedmung and I imagine it cannot be easy for anyone to break into their space, much less an introverted stranger from so far away. And kudos to him for befriending Jun Wei and making him feel comfortable despite being younger by two years.

Only Nic has been able to really get accepted right from the get go. She is more outgoing than her brother and never had any reserve just breaking into a circle and getting responses. Except maybe with Stella but then I don't see Nic bothering with her at all. Interesting teen dynamics. Nic and Stella vs Nic and the boys. Ryan and Stella vs Ryan and the boys.

We don't have as many opportunities to meet with CJ, Tommy and their two boys nor with Sunny, Janet and their two boys. Not much to observe there.

Jeanna, Victor and their two kids were not there. Otherwise it would really have been a very large gathering.

The Lows' house was very well done up. Elvin did a marvellous job painting the entire house and Eve has a good eye for interior decor. I must say I was a little jealous of the space. For less than half the cost of our home, they have more than twice the space, even an in-law quarter that they managed to rent out to a single man who hardly comes back. Five bedrooms, a bonus room, an in-law unit, ... Why is San Ramon so darn expensive?

That was our countdown to the new decade. How was yours?

2010

2009-12-31T10:39:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to my family and friends! On this last day of the first decade of the new millenium, I wish for each and every one of you the best you can be in the decade ahead.

Have a fabulous New Year's Day.

Reno

2009-12-23T16:34:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the lack of posts. We are in Reno. Arrived at this ginormous resort on the 21st and spent the first day basically settling in with the Lai's and the Chua's. The Low's arrived later and we all headed into town where all the casinos were for a cheap yet very good Vietnamese dinner at this very warm restaurant called 777. Food was good.

The next day, a hasty breakfast mainly of instant noodles for the kids and some leftover bread for moi and we are off to Mount Rose. It was cold! Signed the two kids up for snowboarding. The Lai's and Chua's preferred skiing. Jackie, the Man and I jaga 3 tables on the upper dining floor where we had access to the power point at the wall. This allowed us to boil water almost constantly for 3-in-1 coffee, ginger tea and instant noodle bowls for lunch when the hungry lot came back from their activities. The Low's with their two little girls came later with Lay Keow. It was crowded. And not just at our corner. The whole ski resort was full of people, majority Chinese. As the Man said, it was like Chinatown.

Mason fell and hurt his left arm but refused any help from the medic we called. Still he went back later to ski with his dad and brother after lunch.

Left Mount Rose about 4 pm and got back to the hotel about an hour later after a very slow drive through near blizzard condition. Memories of the drive down from Big Bear Lake. The slow pace was due to a two wheel saloon without chains but we were content because it pays to be cautious under such conditions. With only a single lane each way, any mishap would mean miles long jams.

The hotel gave us such good deals that we are spending literally very little. The rooms are under $40 a night for twin queen beds and we get coupons for $20 off dinners, free breakfast for two, $20 funquest, $20 bowling, etc, etc. Unbelievabkle deals.

The buffet dinner queue was really long - more than an hour wait in line. So while the men queued, the ladies showered. The spread was really good. We had lots of food, including good crabs, prime ribs,..., and $3 for all you can drink wine and beer. Unbelievable. And it was generally agreed that the beer and wine were good stuff, not el cheapo. So the adults drank and drank and drank and drank. The jokes and the laughter became louder and louder as one after another the revellers got tipsy. It was enornous fun. The Man and Elvin were hilarious between the two of them. Such company as we had not have for a long time. Hokkien, Malay, and Singlish were the favors of the night. While the kids went to FunQuest and their own devices, the parents bonded in the most unruly, bawdy ways. Great night.

The Man collapsed into the bed and slept through - a rarity considering how he usually sleeps.

So ended the first two days in Reno.

Moved

2009-12-13T17:24:00.000-08:00

Finally, we are settled in. There are still a lot of boxes in the garage but yep, the house is looking pretty good, the rooms are all tidy, clothes in the closets, shampoo in the baths, cutlery where they should be and tellies all hung up on the walls, internet working, ...

I am too bushed to write too much. So stay tuned. More to come when I have my sanity back.

Home

2009-11-29T17:31:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is house walk through #1. Should go quick. The house pretty much has been inspected through and through by a multitude of inspectors - from the house itself to the roof to the fireplaces and chimneys to the spa to the soil to the termites to the ...

It has been an interesting journey. So unlike Singapore. An array of inspections just a day or so later than the acceptance of your offer by the seller, all done pretty much within the same afternoon - I was just busy signing checks to pay for all of them. Followed naturally by an an array of reports from each inspection company to read on top of legally required ones like natural hazards reports and home owners association whatyamightcallit which is a humongous two inch thick volume, I swear. And then a lot of documents to sign both from the real estate company signed, interestingly, electronically over the internet (I suspect to protect ithe realtor company's rear ends) and then from the escrow company and, of course, the bank. I have no idea what we signed last week at the escrow company. No one could possibly read the hundreds of pages of legalese and forms. Since every buyer of any property must do the same, there is no room for negotiations and you are not expected to ask for time to read the fine prints which I believe is humanly impossible at any rate. Within one hour, we have probably signed ourselves into hock in perpetuity.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I break out in fear over my new level of indebtedness. After several years of frenetic thrift. What have I done?!

What price America? A big pay cut, high taxes and huge mortgage payments for the next generation of years? Am I insane? What choices did I have? Either stay or go back to no jobs and traumatic readjustments to school and lifestyle. And loss of college possibilities. Not to mention the fortuity of our timing. I was really really fortunate to start when we did - to have sponsorhip for staying before the company froze all sponsorships and considering the belt tightening my business unit is going through right now.

As I look out at the beautiful hills of the Tri-Valley turning green from the recent rains, the wide open expanse, the miles on miles of endless highways, the no fear no holds barred debates over policies on the telly, feel the chills of Fall and the early hints of winter, watch with wonder the high winds shaking the yellowing leaves off the trees where we live leaving piles of leaves (no play on words intended) by the roadside and look at my kids doing what they do in their schools, it was a price I would probably willingly pay again, if I had to.

I thank the heavens we were given the chance to blaze a new path where others were not.

Blog

2009-11-29T12:45:00.001-08:00

Family and friends, it is with great sadness that I have to block my blog and allow only people I love and trust to access it. So please pardon me for the inconvenience of having to force all of you to login to read my journal, something I keep alive to keep my far flung family and friends abreast of our lives in America.

It has been a very busy two weeks. Hence the paucity of updates. We are almost all done with our house purchase, having now signed away the remainder of my life to yet another heavy yoke of high monthly mortgage payments on top of college tuitions and daily expenses. Just when I was almost all done with such. There remains only the house walk throughs - twice in the coming week - and then we get the keys.

On the bright side, the house is so well done up, we can just move in even without cleaning.

GTG - more to come in a bit...

Bulbous

2009-11-10T19:41:00.000-08:00

I have a swollen left middle finger tip and it hurts plenty. Don't know why, don't know how. It is starting to look like ET's finger except it does not yet glow. The swelling has completed smoothen out the skin around the nail and the finger print has all but disappeared from the skin being stretched so tight. But the constant pain is just annoying and typing shoots bouts of pain up my hand. When I squeezed the first joint just below the swelling, I can see a spot next to the nail which turns pale and extremely tender. Looks like some infection or something but there is no perceptible wound, not even a pin prick. Maybe I accidentally pull out a piece of skin. Slowly, however, the swelling is turning purple. What is going on here? Ow!

Wherefore

2009-11-08T18:44:00.000-08:00

Another week, another story. Here I am, about to close on a home and watching the end of the world on December 21, 2012 on Discovery Channel does not help give you the warm fuzzy feeling that you have made the right decision. The end of the world or mass destruction in about 3 years just make the kind of stress and effort we made towards our own little piece of America so trivial, so "what-for?"

So yeah, we are about to settle down properly but it has been a real eye-opener how things are done here. The amount of paperwork is unbelievable. Can't wait for it all to end. And still there is no warm and fuzzy feeling, no excitement, no anticipation of coming into our own. At this stage of my life, it simply frightens me. Am I sure about once more, putting that heavy yoke once more around my puny shoulders. I won't live to pay it all off. But there is no way out. Either build some equity or just work for your landlord. Maybe it does not have to last that long. Just the last one to go and I can lay down the mantle. And rest. Or expire.

Enjoyable

2009-10-31T20:09:00.000-07:00

Two weeks passed so fast. Search goes on and it's getting tiresome. The new homes look so good. But small yard. But then, how much of the yard have we really used? Not even in summer. Yeah, we can excuse ourselves - it's not our house, does not feel the same, blah blah blah. Seriously, in the one year we've had this big yard, I think I can count the number of times I step out to the deck on one, okay most definitely two hands. That's how much I have used the yard. The Boy barely steps out except to take out the thrash every Wednesday night. House on big lot sounds good, especially to Asians where the need to have title to a piece of earth has always been in the DNA. Still, a new house looks so nice. Please please may I? The offers and counter offers and the termite inspections, house inspections, et nauseum, are a source of stress I can do without. And the price is not out of our reach yet. Please? 5,000 sq ft is good enough for me.

Enough of woes.

Last Saturday, the Man and I went to our very first ever football game. A friend gaves us two tickets, including car parking. And we cheered loudly each time CAL scored a touchdown. Results? CAL thrashed Washington State 49 to 17. Go Bears! It was a most pleasant way to pass a Saturday. Beautiful weather too. Couldn't ask for more. Especially with the Man who would never ever go to a game. Except this time round no one else would go with me and we have the tickets. Happily, he enjoyed the game as much as I did, I think.

And the evening before, we joined 10 sets of retired couples, all members of the SIR, to dinner somewhere in Livermore. Don't ask me where. We went in Jim' Quon's car with his wife, Joyce, and Gerald with the earring and his wife, Anne. Squeezed between the Man and Gerald with the earring, I was just focused on the conversation going on in the front row and did not pay attention to the journey. The six of us in Jim's family car. Never known a saloon to be a six-seater but there you have it. You learn something new everyday. Before we were allowed to eat, everyone had to introduce himself/herself and only I got an applause - as someone from Singapore growing roots in the US of A. Going out on these SIR events are fun - I get to be the youngest! Everyone of them is decades older. Maybe we should join them more often. The food that night - chicken and sausage paella - was not great and a tad pricey for the quality and quantity but having the fewest wrinkles and least gray hairs and the company of seniors is GOOD for my spirit :).

Plentiful Paperwork

2009-10-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

Getting a home here is a genuine pain the rear end. All that crap about home prices being a steal because of the bust... Maybe it is just the East Bay but the hassles and agents who don't seem to want to look for bargains for you just make the whole experience more painful than it should be. And the stupid bidding wars. People flipping houses or playing the field - this month, it is on the market, then it disappears and suddenly a month later it is back often at a different price. It is all just so complicated. It was so much easier in the little island.

In the past two to three weeks, I have had more cell phone calls from that one realtor than from everyone else in the entire three years I have been here. And it is so hard to hear when she is on bluetooth and driving around. Plus that lisp. Urgh! And the grounchiness that just stresses me no end.

Silently I call for help and the inner strength to stay sane. To stay calm in the swirl of words and not get drawn into the maelstrom coming from a verbose word swallowing high pressure agent and from another. All the while dealing with the mountain of paperwork from the change of employment status, trying to understand the legalese and carefully crafted lawyer word-smithed passages designed to ensure an entirely neutral stance that will never win you a court case. Why can't people talk and write in layman English? Tell it as it is?

Why can't I afford a new house with all the modern trimmings and fault free structures with a nice warranty and adequate land without having to change my son's school and pay astronomical property taxes? Instead of bidding ridiculously for old homes and combing through volumes of inspection reports that strikes fear into your core because of the reported dreadful sounding faults in your dream home?

Ah America.

Settling Soon

2009-10-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

Here I am, sitting in the small dining nook next to the kitchen, hands icy cold, working on a document for a meeting tomorrow and going through a lot of forms from the lawyers. Seems straightforward enough but some corrections may be needed. Sigh. When I awoke, the house was at 63 F, after an entire morning, it has risen by a total of 1 degree F.

This is a cold house. I think the insulation is not as good as it should be. Strange that not that long ago, it was triple digit temperature. Yesterday was very beautiful outside. Just the perfect California weather but today is overcast and noticeably cooler. Leaves are already turnoing red just outside the kitchen window and soon they will start falling.

The year is coming to a close and when I look back, it seems like I have not accomplish much at all. Where did the months go? We did go to Jamaica. And Carynn was here with Brad. I brought them to Yosemite. Nic got her own apartment in Berkeley. She joined some sorority. And we all grew older. But these are not milestones. They simply marked the events in the normal passing of time. What have I done to better the world, even by an iota? What contributions have I made to mankind, my hearth or my workplace? What can I report to the heavens should I suddenly expire? I did not even take part in the company annual community help event this year because...

Next year promises a new beginning, a new era in our family history. The sprouting and reaching out of new tentative roots into a new bedrock of hope. A new bigger future for the offsprings with opportunities that the little place we originated may not be able to provide just because. My fingers are crossed that all go as planned. Until then, we are limited in our ability to physically reconnect with the homeland. But it will be worth the wait.

Meanwhile, the hunt for a new abode goes on.

Hot

2009-09-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

Past the third anniversary of our arrival, I am feeling tired of living in rented homes. It just does not feel the same. Boxes upon boxes sit silently in the garage gathering dust, un-opened for over three years. I don't even know what they hold anymore. Sometimes, I suddenly recall something I used a lot back in Singapore but have not seen for a long time and there is sadness. Like a family without anchors. I want to have my own place where my things are where they ought to be and where I don't feel like I am keeping someone else's home and not my own.

And I want my children near.

The heat wave this week has not helped. Triple digit temperatures that makes the house too toasty, like an oven.

We sweltered and burned in the bleachers yesterday at the AT&T Park watching the SF Giants lose miserably to the Chicago Cubs. The sun beat down mercilessly. The boy was the first to seek relief standing in the shade, then the girl and finally, I surrendered and abandoned our seats to stand behind the lines of people walking back and forth getting their drinks and food. We made our ways to another part of the stadium but had to suffer the constant onslaught of smell of frying onions and security guards keeping us in check,

Standing was tiring so eventually, when the sun had lessened its intensity, we made our ways back to the bleachers to a crowd of young men and women drinking a lot of beer and carpeting the steps with peanut shells from a big bag they brought to the game. Meanwhile, the group of UBC grads (East Bay alumni) that I was supposed to socialize with at the game and which I had basically ignored all afternoon because of the unbearable heat, decided to call it a day and left en masse. And I watched them leave silently vowing never to trust the alumni with getting me any more tickets to any game. I could have gotten better seats from the company or cheaper bleacher seats than what I paid to support the alumni. Or maybe I was just unsociable. They were all so young and all Chinese.

After the game, we made our way back to the ferry terminal and took the ferry ride back to Alameda where we embarked, to return to Berkeley and East Bay. To a house still warm from the day's bake.

Disunity

2009-09-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

On arriving home, suddenly there is a gaping hole in my heart left by one who flew from us just hours ago. My eyes start to tear and the sadness is unbearable. I must reunite my family forever. She who came to celebrate her quarter century with us. Whence will we come together again?

Deliriumcious

2009-09-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

Wah, this week has been busy. So it seems but if you ask me to recount the things I accomplished, I will be hard put to enumerate them even on one hand. It just seems time flew by with more than the usual speed. I have also been having an unusual sleep pattern. Maybe it is a second childhood but it seems these days, I am greedy for sleep. If I can, I will jealousy guard my time in bed, dozing on and off through the night into the late hours of the morning, something I had not allowed myself to do for many years. It was a surprise to me that when I finally pulled myself out of bed yesterday, it was well past the 9th hour of the morning, almost into the 10th. And we were supposed to take a long drive to Half Moon Bay down Highway 1 to Santa Cruz, the girl, the bf and I. Given that they were even later sleepers than I, by the time we set out, it was about the 11th hour.

Yet last night, I could not sleep a wink till almost the 4th hour. Must have been the coffee at 4 pm on the Boardwalk at Santa Cruz. I still have not completely gotten away from the inability to sleep if caffeine is pumped into the system past the noon hour. So I lay in bed and calmly read my Kindle, enjoying the Fool's Errand. And listened to the extremely rare sound of thunder actually rolling through the hills of Tri-Valley in the early hours of the morning. This was the first time since we came, that we actually heard thunder in the Bay Area. It was delicious, bringing the recall of the glorious drum rolls of thunder after lightning after thunder after lightning ad infinitum on the little island called Singapore where thunder and lightning are as commonplace as afternoon showers.

It all fell into place. The dense fog along Highway 1 almost shutting off all views of the crashing waves against the cliffs and beaches as we cruised down to Santa Cruz, the thick blanket of cloud sitting on the ocean further south just waiting for the wind to push it onland and the weather forecast on last night's news about the risks of lightning and thunder on tinder dry foliage. But while it lasted, the thunder sounded like an old friend come a calling and I relished the moments lying sleepless in bed. Ahh...

And so today, we have dinner with Tom and Gill and their wives. But what shall we do before then? Housework calls - but I am on strike this week.

Changes

2009-08-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

Methinks blogging seems to be going out of fashion. Twittering and facebooking are adding to the onslaught of "instant gratification" and two-way, nay, multi-threaded socialization. Blogging is one-dimensional, journal keeping too isolated an act in a world where people seem compelled to be constantly in touch with one another. At what price? Where blogging once threaten the art of keeping a diary the old fashioned way, will the constant barrage of bits and bytes from smarter and smarter devices that keep getting smaller and smaller threaten the art of conversation? People chat but not face to face, hiding behind a light emitting screen and little buttons. People socialize but without the commitment that comes with looking into another's eyes. I love technology and the changes wrought by technology, for the betterment of the majority but I also mourn the passing of some of the old ways.

But I did not start out bemoaning the superficiality of the new modes of social computing. Rather, it was to celebrate the advances I have made in the last week, from hobbling around on crutches and losing sleep to long bouts of pain to hobbling around on my own feet and watching the foot return to some semblance of its normal size. Yes, my right foot is still bigger in some parts than normal and much of it is still purple and green, especially on all the toes and at the base of the ankle. But the pain is less and more intermittent. The progress though, has been less than I would have liked. It is only five days to Carynn's arrival and six days to white water rafting near Modesto.

Nic is gone to her apartment, school has begun for both the kids still with us. High school is going to be a very different experience I think for the half man and I hope he stays the course he was on in his last year at Iron Horse. Not lose the momentum, nor lose the drive he gained staying at the top. And the girl too. Staying by herself would be a new experience and requires a level of maturity to keep herself safe, well fed, clean and healthy, all by herself. While keeping her grades up. Life's changes can be frightening for the parents.

Meantime, we have our approvals for the visa extension. Next stop, the permanent residency. Beyond, the re-union of the family. Hopefully.

Snap

2009-08-18T12:15:00.001-07:00

Two fairly loud snaps and I knew instinctively I was in trouble. Instantly, I found I could not stand on my right leg and within seconds, an ugly swelling started to become very noticeable. The horrific pain that consumed me that night and next morning after we reached home from Rohnert Park was excruciating. Initially, it did not hurt quite as much and I could still hobble around. But after we reached home and I did my usual routine to get ready for bed, the hobbling triggered off an hour or more of pain you would not expect from just a sprain.

Monday morning, just hobbling to the wash basin to brush my teeth set off more than 2 hours of agony waiting for the Man to come home so he could get me to the doctor. The Half Man, albeit some cajoling was needed, was very sweet after, making the initial doctor appointment and thereafter changing it twice because of uncertainty about the Man's return from his tennis game. By then, the pain was so excruciating, I could not even bear to lay my foot down on the floor and the Man had to carry me on his back into the clinic.

Doc thought I could have broken some bones so off to take almost 10 x-rays. But first an ankle hold to stabilize and a pair of crutches so I can move around. But the crutches took some getting used to and they hurt the armpits.

Back home, the kids have been wonderful with making ice packs for me to ice the swollen ankle. So today, the ankle actually looks like it is recovering somewhat. But it is all green, very fat and there are ugly broad purplish swaths on both sides where you can tell the blood vessels had obviously been broken and were leaking blood into the leg.

Waiting for doc's call to see if I need to go back to the clinic for follow up.

And this is Ryan with his Chinese classmates on the final day of school sent by his teacher.

Active

2009-08-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy weekend. Substituted my Friday off next week so Nic and I could go to Nik's house to masak masak (with Lay Keow as well) making curry puffs and the pink peach shaped rice cakes that Carynn used to love so much as a kid. We had a lot of fun. The first batch of dough for both items were disasters, too dry and just impossible to shape. So Nik left us in the backyard under her canopy and banned us from the kitchen while she made a second batch of both. With those, we were able to turn out very decent looking puffs and rice cakes. The Man and a Half joined us late because of some tennis event they had to attend, We had the usual banter sessions and sinful amounts of food and left as usual close to the witching hour. But so enjoyable.

Next day, we were off to the Stead tennis open at Moraga. Tom and Thilma were there but we did not stay as long as I would have liked because of a certain complaining young man. It was my first real tennis tournament and the quality of play, though not like the grand slams were very high. The competitors were mainly from the college circuits so they were highly competitive. I hope we go to more tournaments.

And today, Sunday, we were off to Union City near James Logan High School for the tennis competition organized by the association that runs the Half Man's Chinese classes. You can tell the calibre was just not the same as yesterday's. The Man had two plays. The Half Man was competing for the first time, if we discount the other time when he played in San Ramon with a bunch of young kids. Butterflies notwithstanding, he did okay. It;s not about the winning at this point, just the exposure and having the experience and the fun of competing. The weather was merciless though. Temperatures were in the 90's and there was no real place to sit where we could get shade so we ended up, like most other parents crouching in the walkways between the courts where fortunately, the tennis courts' wind screens afforded good enough shade and there was actually a good breeze blowing through. But we were starting to get real lethargic from the heat. So after the competition, we drove a half mile to the nearest shopping square and had us some icy shaves and pau pau cha. And on reaching home, I just had to catch a short snooze even though it was close to 5:00 pm and at the risk of disrupting my normal sleep tonight.

Busy weekend, but so much fun. Tomorrow is going to be hot with parts of East Bay going into the triple digit temperatures but you can tell the long days of summer are already waning because the lights have to come on slightly earlier each night.

Hike

2009-07-31T20:05:00.000-07:00

My thighs are sore. But I love it. Because they are complaining from the maybe 6 mile trek this morning on a trail in Half Moon Bay with a group from Sons in Retirement. For the first time in a long long time, I was the youngest person in a gathering. How cool is that? We went up the Purusima Trail and most of it was uphill. So though I have been diligently walking every weekend, the hike was tiring. I can't imagine what the rest of the team felt, especially those in their late '70s. Funny thing is only the last 1.9 miles were downhill and parts were a little treacherous because of the loose screes and you can easily slip. Especially with normal walking shoes instead of proper hiking boots. So you take baby steps and you dig your toes or heels in to get more grip.

But it was a beautiful trail, most of it very shady and cool, with the Purisima Creek gargling gently close by for most of the way. The secondary redwood trees were slim unlike those in Muir Woods or the Avenue of the Giants. At one stretch, I was walking next to Tom and he told me the original redwoods were all cut down, brought up to some peak and then floated down some river or other to Redwood City for lumber. And that was how that town got its name. Sunlight speckled the trails here and there and it was just very peaceful. Surprisingly, there were hardly any animals or birds. But lots of poison ivy or poison oak. Luckily they were not too close to the trail although there was one plant that actually grew out and hung partway over the trail. Like it was reaching out to us.

Only when we were more than half way through did we see a family of quails where the trail branches, I think with one going to Harkins Ridge which would be more uphill trekking. But we were going the other way. downhill, back to where we had parked the cars. And somewhere we ran into the mostly eaten carcase of a small deer. Only bits of skin, the tail and the rib cage were left.

We were the only non-Americans in the group but they were all very warm and welcoming. The stories they shared as we walked were of the old days, and I mean old. Where they went to school in the '50s and what they did in the '60s in their youths. Of restaurants and hamburger joints in San Francisco that have long gone. Most of them were long time or native Californians. We were young then in every sense of the word. But there was one Daphne who gave me a hug when we were still at the starting point because she went to UBC too even though she left after two years in 1959 to USC to study physical therapy. We were immediately bonded by that tenous thread.

It was interesting how Americans open up - pretty soon I was hearing about their families, the kids they had, the illnesses and deaths of spouses, times shared with grandkids... I don't think Asians air stories about their families in quite the same way. I was a stranger to them but pretty soon, I knew much more about Debbie's history than I would have cared to at the start of the trek. They like to hear about your children and will ask.

After the hike, a well deserved lunch at San Benito sandwich place along Main Street in Half Moon Bay. Good sandwiches on fresh bread baked daily by the small deli. Healthy and tasty.

On the way back in Tom's Lexus, I dozed off a little. That was how tired I was. I like Tom - he is very funny and seem to have taken a liking to the Man. While the man brought the half man for his tennis lesson, I took a nap, too tired to even bathe. That had to come later. Even the horrific mess in the bedrooms of the girl and boy could not keep me from laying down my weary body.

223rd

2009-07-05T11:58:00.001-07:00

BBQ yesterday was very memorable. Tom and Thilma were great hosts and the company was thoroughly enjoyable. There were lots of laughter and Tom was a really good cook. Thilma's saffron rice too - the half man politely asked for and actually had a second large helping of the rice. He was well behaved - quiet and did not whine at all. But he still has not picked up the EQ skills of American kids, able to hold a conversation with adults. People have to tease replies out of him and you can see the Americans feeling a little awkward waiting for his replies, not quite sure whether to wait or to move on to another topic.

We split up about 8:30 pm because some wanted to go watch the fireworks. The half man and I trod on down to Central Park where we joined his classmate and her family. The fireworks are not all that incredible but the Park was filled with thousands of people - you wouldn't think San Ramon had that large a population. So ends our celebration of the 223rd birthday of the US of A.

Celebrations

2009-07-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day, America! And the Man has brought out the American flag from the garage and hung it by the main door. Trifle small but hey, it works.

We'll be off to a bbq this evening and making some new friends (well, the half man and I will be at least). Hope we don't miss the fireworks.