Memories

It is the winter solstice.  First day of winter and the longest night of the year.  Somehow it all seems fitting.  The event that occurred had been the bleakest for a long time but it is all behind us now.  The hours of sunshine should grow longer and with them, new beginnings for those most affected.

We bade farewell to one we dearly loved.  She fought the good fight.  We did not return in time to hold her one more time and tell her how dear we hold her in our hearts.  I did not heed my daughter's crying urgent pleas enough.  The logistics of daily living and the apron strings of one still in school bound too tightly.  I regret it now.  I should have made the tough decision, turned a deaf ear to the whine and thrown aside the mantle of the workplace.  Just gone.

Yet the heavens were kind and we made the trip.  To share in the sadness of her passing and to celebrate the life she had lived.  I hope she heard my cries and saw my grief.  I like to think she knew we would come home for her.

The reconnection with those at home was good.  Unspoken amends were made and relationships re-established and re-bonded.  The renewal of kinships.  The very memorable massages for an unyielding shoulder.  The last hours of laughter and conversations at departure with family and friends from both sides.  Priceless.

I cannot wait to go back again but at the same time, coming back here reasserted the sanity and calm of daily living.  We came back to hugs from one who waited at the airport and to what I thought would be a freezing house but there was a level of warmth that surprised me.  The front door was a mess of leaves from the lone Japanese maple but that only made it seemed all the more welcoming.

I was and am home.