Heavy Heart

So here I am back in San Ramon, tired and struggling with very mixed feelings. Goodbyes are so hard on the emotions and soul. Waved goodbye to YY and UJ from the taxi leaving Pandan Valley with a heavy heart, sad to leave kin yet again. And happy to see the girl-girl and Man and a Half after 17 sleepless hours on the plane. Singapore seems so busy, more than when we left seven or eight months ago. So much has changed since in such a short period of time. Who would have known the economy would suddenly buzz with so much activity, especially on the property front? It was with a big shock that I realized we may have missed out on having enough funds for us to retire because PV is going for en bloc. Life has so many unexpected turns and who knows which fork in the road to take? We take our chances and there should be no regrets but it is not always so...

I watched all the news and excitement with amazement, awe and also much fear for my tiny tiny and still very vulnerable country. Is Singapore pricing itself out of competitiveness again? Property prices are sky-rocketing but only for the desired locations and little has filtered down to the HDB heartland - is the dichotomy widening? Who ends up paying for all the windfalls benefiting the lucky minority in ageing condos and apartment blocks? Office rents are climbing because there is a "shortfall" of office space - when will this again become a reason for companies pulling out to go to cities with more affordable space? Who pays?

In all the optimism, I hear arguments from the media and all around that this is not a bubble, that this is for real and the government is smart and will ensure wealth will eventually cascade down to the heartlanders who form the backbone of the country. Singaporeans will always depend on the authorities to take care of things for them and will willingly/silently pay the high salaries "needed" to keep good people honest and happy to stay in power. The rationalization is already coming out on why we need to ratchet up the already high salaries of these good people - they deserve it because look at how well the economy is doing and how high the benchmark pay packets of the top earners have gone up? It is all so predictable how things work, the facade of open discussion and feedback so people think they have been engaged and consulted. Why was the proposal to benchmark civil service salaries to the growth of the poorest 20% of the population so the good people will work hard to keep the country progressing so easily ignored?

Optimism is good. Optimism is necessary to keep the markets humming and I am happy for my fellow countrymen who have this optimism. All of Asia seems to be very upbeat and it is infectious when you are there.

But I still worry. The last crisis was not so long ago and the heartlanders suffered much. Have we forgotten so fast? When will we pay more than lip service to building a gracious society, not just a fast growing one where people jostle just about everywhere and the roads are getting clogged? In India, I was conversing with an Indian manager who spent 6 years in Singapore and despite urgings from the authorities, gave up permanent residency to return to Chennai where despite the lower level of material comforts, he is much happier because democracy is for real and political debates are unfettered and unshackled. He was so glad to have a chance to talk to a Singaporean to reminisce but that was all - because he is never going back.

Maybe life is too slow in suburban US and I have lost the urgencies that makes a small city state in a hinterland of sometimes cranky much larger neighbours so vibrant. I am so torn. Where does our future lie?